Trophy Tuesday: That Bitch Is Totally Wrong

So I'm way behind on this story, mainly because I no longer have babies and never watch vloggers, but . . .

I need to talk about the woman who said she breastfed while having sex. 

The story appeared in my Facebook feed and I just. . . .

I mean. . . .

What the actual HELL?

Look, I breastfed all of my kids. 

Ironflower weaned herself at 11 months. She also had formula on many occasions because some days she wanted a damn bottle. If you know Ironflower, this makes perfect sense. The boys were a different story. 

Lovebug and Hugmonkey nursed exclusively and compulsively for the first 6 months of their lives. I nursed those boys everywhere. I even nursed Lovebug during a hike to a glacier in Alaska. 

My boys nursed so often that I used to joke that I could do anything one handed. 

Clearly "anything" was not the word I should have used. 

Because I never had sex or even fooled around while I was nursing. Or bottle feeding Ironflower. I think I may have intentionally flashed Hot Guy a few times, but that was only to get him ready for the quickie that we would have when we put the baby down in the crib in the other room. 

One comment I read defending this vlogger said, "What if the baby cries when you're about to climax?" 

Um, then the baby cries for a minute. Mama deserves her orgasm.  

Apparently this mom is an attachment parent vlogger who tags her breastfeeding videos as #sexy.  

First of all, breastfeeding is not sexy. 

Second, this is not multi-tasking, this is boundary crossing.  

Third, how can you possibly think being apart from your baby for 30 minutes will traumatize them but sex noises and bouncing won't? Newsflash: Neither will at the time, but think about whether you'd like to know that your parents had sex while your mom was feeding you or that they let you cry a bit so they could have adult time?

Fourth, your parents probably let you cry so they could have adult time.

Fifth, you don't really need 30 minutes if you're actually horny.

Sixth, don't procreate with a guy who cannot wait until you finish nursing. 

I can't help but think that this is some warped version of a super-mommy complex. As in, "I never let my baby cry AND my husband is always sexually satisfied." That's a recipe for disaster, or at least a future dependence on chemical substances, if I've ever seen one. Just imagine what's she's going to do when she's got a feverish preschooler who won't leave her side and a husband who expects his needs to be met no matter what. 

Actually, DO NOT imagine that.

The reason I saw this awful story is that a feminist page I follow shared an essay in her defense. I've been a feminist (and alive and a parent) longer than all of these people, so I feel completely justified in saying that making breastfeeding the "sexy" choice and/or compatible with satisfying all your man's sexual desires DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FEMINIST ROLE MODEL.

It does make you a breastfeeding asshole, though.