It's not the minivan.
It's not that I really started liking Vera Bradley.
It's not even that I rarely recognize the musical guest on Saturday Night Live anymore.
What's finally made me realize I'm in danger of turning into a reactionary old lady is the dismay another woman's bathing suit caused me.
In general, I try not to body snark. First of all, much as I exercise, I'm still far from an ideal weight, so I'm really not in a position to judge. Second of all, even if I did have a perfect figure, who am I to judge? Perfection comes in all shapes and sizes and if women would stop worrying so much about their thighs they'd have time to run the world. And be happier.
Steps off soap box.
My point is, I am not looking at other women at the pool and making judgments about their bathing suits on a regular basis (I can't say the same about the amount of back hair certain gentlemen seem to have, though). If you want to wear a bikini, great. If you want to wear a bathing suit with a skirt, great. As long as you're happy, I'm happy.
Unless you're wearing a thong, or the new trend that appears to almost but not quite be a thong:
I've now seen two women wearing this kind of bikini bottom; or should I say now I've seen two women's butts at the pool?
I think they're called "pucker bottoms", or maybe "Brazilian bottoms" and they leave very little of the ass to the imagination. Now, both the women I saw had great figures, though their butts did have cellulite. Not that's there's anything wrong with that, but had those women been wearing full bottoms, I wouldn't have known they had cellulite.
And despite all my statements about body acceptance, I can't believe people would willingly show off their cellulite when they could totally hide it. I mean, I'd love to hide mine, but then I'd have to wear bike shorts in the pool.
Anyway, as I swam around staring at these women's butts (thankfully I was wearing sunglasses so no one could tell), I wondered how on earth those suits could be comfortable. And why on earth you'd want everyone to see your imperfect (but admittedly much better than mine) ass. And I almost said, "I don't want to see that!"
And then I remembered how disappointed I was when people complained about Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend during the NFL draft. And how offended I was when some writer complained about not wanting to see plus sized actors kissing on a TV show. And how I want to smack all the people who complain about breastfeeding in public.
So, while I really don't want to see your butt at the pool, I'm not going to complain about it. Just because I'm starting to think like a reactionary old lady doesn't mean I have to start acting like one.
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