Weighty Wednesday: One Small Step

Ironflower and Lovebug were born 15 months apart. I was pregnant and/or nursing from March of 2004 until June of 2007.

To say that I was tired during this period is an understatement. And nine months after I (finally) weaned Lovebug, I got pregnant with Hugmonkey.

So, except for a nine month break, I was pregnant or nursing from March 2004 until December 2009. And I went from a person who spent most of her day standing and some of her free time dancing, hiking and exercising to a person who was always searching for a moment to sit down. Except when she was sitting down and nursing. 

I tried to go for walks. I was always standing and moving at home and on the playground (except for when I was nursing, which was pretty often with both of the boys). But I was never sweaty. I was never breathing hard. And when I did have a moment to myself all I wanted to do was lie down. 

When Hugmonkey was 18 months old, we finally joined the YMCA. I managed to actually work out and sweat again, but I didn't magically lose 20 pounds like every other time I had committed to exercise in my life.

I almost gave up.

I think I would have given up, if not for one thing; I actually started to have energy again. Not a lot, but some. It was the first time I had felt even somewhat like myself in six years. 

I have slacked off here and there, including about 5 months when I dealt with the whole repeated strep throat and tonsils out incidents, but I keep going back. It's not about losing weight (since apparently that only worked when I was under 35) or even having my clothes fit better (though they do), it's about wanting to actually do stuff again. It's about actually being able to help my husband move a piece of furniture. It's about having swimming races with my kids. It's about guilt-free me time each day. 

I would probably burn more calories in a Zumba class. But I know I wouldn't get a sense of peace and calm in a Zumba class. So I'll read my magazine on the Arc or the elliptical, and that's okay. Some days all I do is march in place while I watch a TV show. Because I love my TV shows. 

Back when I was overwhelmed with small children and pregnancy, I saw exercise as something that required me to work full out for an extended period of time. If I couldn't do that, I wouldn't bother. I wish I could go back and smack myself. Anything helps - even if it's just standing instead of sitting during the local news. And any exercise you actually like is worth doing because that's what you'll actually stick with. When I first started exercising again, I had this idea that I'd start running. The more I forced myself to run jog slowly, the more I hated it. I dreaded the exercise, so any poopy diaper was an excuse to quit for the day. 

Now I am ticked if I can't go to the gym, because I actually like what I do there. Okay, I also probably like the quiet and the opportunity to read uninterrupted as well. But still. I urge anyone who thinks they don't have the time or the energy to just try to find something they like doing. Or to stand up during their favorite TV shows. Just do something, no matter how small.