Me: That's Billy's mom. Billy was in Lovebug's class in kindergarten. They live on Main St. I think they have a daughter in 4th or 5th grade.
Hot Guy: A name would have sufficed.
Me: I can't remember her name!
I used to walk into a classroom to sub and have all the kids' names memorized before lunch. Now I can't remember the names of people I've been introduced to three times. I can listen to someone say their name to me and literally feel it disappear down some black hole in my brain. Every. Single. Time.
This is inconvenient, to say the least, when you are the parent of busy school-aged kids. You meet other parents all the time - other parents who remember your name. You see those parents again and again, exchanging personal information while watching a soccer game. And there's always the dread in the pit of your stomach that you will be required to introduce people and have to admit that you've forgotten their names.
The dread didn't come until a few years ago, when Hot Guy forgot that he'd met one kid's soccer coach before. Hot Guy apologized and promptly forgot about it. Until that family started refusing to acknowledge us, even though by then our kids were in class together. They've also bad-mouthed us to other families. For real. Of course, we had some more drama with them this year, so it seems like we were never destined to be friendly with them anyway.
But I still have the anxiety about it so much that I've been known to memorize people's names from the school directory. I should probably just try to friend everyone on the Facebook, because if I'm friends with you on the Facebook I seem to have no trouble remembering your name. But then I'd have to break my rule about actually liking everyone I'm friends with on Facebook.
Ahem.
I have discovered one tactic that works. And no, it's not something you learn in sales meetings about repeating names 3 times or coming up with mnemonics. The black hole laughs in the faces of those tactics. The black hole does not care how kind you are. The black hole does not care if you were the mom I later heard screaming like a banshee in your minivan. The black hole is only stopped by reading.
Reading from the school directory. Reading on the Facebook. Reading your name tag, if you're kind enough to wear one around me. If I can read your name, then I will remember it. But if I just hear it? Don't take it personally.
Reflecting on this makes me think I should be a little less harsh when my kids claim not to have heard my directions. Also, I should write more routines down for them.
Anyway, the only other thing that works - and I didn't understand it until I was on the receiving end when Ironflower was in first grade - is to use the things you do remember to verbally assault the person whose name you've forgotten.
Exhibit A:
Me: Hi, Sue!
Sue: Hi, how are you? How is Ironflower liking dance? Where is Hugmonkey going to preschool? Did you have a good winter break?
Me, so flustered trying to answer the questions that I don't notice Sue failed to call me by name: Fine. Yeah, Ironflower seems to like it. Um . . . .
Sue: And does Hugmonkey like preschool? Will he be in kindergarten next year or the year after?
They'll be so flattered (or flabbergasted) that you remembered so many other details about them that they won't notice you didn't use their name once. Of course, it takes a lot of energy to interrogate people every time you run into them, so perhaps it would be better if we all started wearing name tags. Maybe I should bring that up at the next PTO meeting.
Not that I go to PTO meetings. Although, I totally would if everyone was wearing a name tag.
That family that dissed you? They sound like bad news. You are better off without them.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this, too. It's only grownups' names, though. I always remember kids' names, maybe because you hear their parents say them so often, or maybe because I'm interesting in naming trends and my own generation's names are so familiar as to not be very memorable.