Stay in 2013, Jerks

1. Robin Thicke. I don't care that "Blurred Lines" is supposed to be about his wife, it's rape-y and awful and has nothing on Daft Punk's "Get Lucky".
2. Phil Robertson. He doesn't just bother me because he thinks the Bible gives him license to be homophobic. He doesn't just bother me because he thinks 15 year old girls should be married off. He doesn't just bother me because it is supremely racist to believe what he saw from his co-workers in the Jim Crow South means that he understands what it was like to be African-American at that time, or in this one. He bothers me because the people defending him don't understand that free speech doesn't mean there are no consequences for that speech. 
3. Justin Bieber. I just cannot anymore. His biggest story this year was peeing in a bucket. I long for the day when I don't know shit like that. 
4. People whining that Beyonce is not a feminist. Look, dipshits, if she calls herself a feminist and doesn't do things to block equality, she's a fucking feminist. And we're damn lucky to have her. 
5. Furby Boom. Did they calibrate the voice to be the most annoying thing on the fucking planet? And why is the app only available on Apple products? Not that I want all three of them playing it on the same time on their Kindles. 
6. Megyn Kelly. We don't need any more "facts" about the fictional character based on the non-white guy. 
7. Ani DiFranco. I was actually a bit sympathetic to her plight at first. I mean, I wouldn't plan an event at a former slave plantation, but I've certainly had thoughtless moments before. But then she apologized. . .by discussing how much the outcry affected her and how people of color need to get over their bitterness. The equivalent of hitting a pedestrian, then bitching at them for being in the crosswalk. 
8. People who don't believe in science. Frankly, it baffles me that people who don't believe in evolution  are still around. I mean, the Catholic Church - a place where they still won't accept birth control, divorce and female priests - accepts it. 
9. People who go out to restaurants in their pajamas. It's one thing to do the school run in pajamas, it's quite another to make plans to meet a friend for lunch and refuse to get dressed. Put on some damn yoga pants like the rest of us. 
10. Jonathan Franzen. From the sounds of his rants, he'd probably be more comfortable being left in 1913, but this will have to do. I plowed through The Corrections many years ago, and it's a fine novel. But writing one, or even two (I haven't read Freedom) fine novels does not make you the literary king. So quit acting like you're better than every other writer out there.