You know you're a douchebag who deserves a slap when:
- You can only understand the importance of things if they directly affect you. For example, you think the government shutdown is no big deal because you aren't employed by the Federal government. Toddlers are also rather famous for this kind of mentality.
- You think wearing the right clothing is much more important than doing the right thing.
- You still buy Chris Brown albums.
- You are an Oakland Raiders fan.
- You write open letters to other celebrities.
- You think forming your own militia/emergency supply system/training force is a better idea than supporting the government you have, but you don't have the ovaries to move somewhere without a strong central government (Somalia?) to see if your militia will really work.
- You keep casting Dane Cook in movies.
- You do not cast Louis C.K. in movies.
- You are the CEO of Barilla pasta.
- You have uttered the phrase, "She was asking for it."
- You wear Uggs and Daisy Dukes.
- You think God cares about your football team.
- You are offended when people swear, but not when they use racial slurs.
- You aspire to be on Jersey Shore 2: Gym, Tan, Beach Clean Up.
- You don't think Tina Fey is funny.
- You speed on cul-de-sacs.
What traits did I miss?
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