I hate it when kids exclude each other. When I was teaching, the fastest way to tick me off was to exclude other kids from games or conversations. I don't mean that I expect all kids to be best friends or that I think every kid in the class has to be invited to every birthday party. But, if you're playing in a public area? Everyone plays.
My personal parenting philosophy.
So. On this day, Lovebug ran into one of his friends. The friend was going to the playground adjacent to the lake and I let all the kids go there. When I (finally) got there, everything seemed fine. I did not see the parent Lovebug's friend was with (who was not his own), but that's not all that rare at playground. A lot of parents just stay on the beach while the kids play.
Anyway, at one point I notice that Ironflower isn't with the other kids. She's off by herself and she looks sad. She says that Lovebug's friend has forbidden her to play because she's a girl. I tell her to just go play with them anyway. A few minutes later, she's off alone again, fighting back tears. The friend said he wouldn't play if she did, and she wanted to let her brothers play because they were having fun.
I march over to the boys and start speaking to Lovebug. Ironflower jumps in and states that Lovebug stood up for her and Lovebug reassures me that he wants her to play. As I'm praising him for that, the friend states again, "No girls can play."
I say, "We don't play that way. We let everyone play."
And the kid looks at me and says, "Well, if she plays I won't play." Lovebug starts trying to cajole him into playing, basically begging him to play together. And the kid keeps repeating his stance. You have to admire his conviction, if nothing else.
Poor Lovebug is in the middle, poor Ironflower feels awful and I decide it's time to leave. I tell Lovebug that we were only sticking around so that he could play with his friend (which is true - I love it when they run into friends at the lake or playground, it's so much easier than trying to organize play dates, plus, I don't have to clean my house) and since his friend won't include everyone, we're going to leave. And so we did.
On the way to the car, Lovebug asked me if he could still have a play date with this kid. I explained that the kid's behavior had made me really unhappy and I just wasn't sure that a play date was a good idea. I don't know if he's a sexist little jerk at heart or whether he was just acting up because his mom wasn't there. Either way, it doesn't bode well for a play date.
Hot Guy thinks I might have been a tad over-protective in this situation. What do you all think? What would you have done? Should I say anything to his mom? I would want to know if my kid was acting that way. But I don't look forward to that conversation, either.
Tell me what to do, great interwebz oracles.
4 comments:
omg - i had a "helicopter parent" doubt moment over the weekend i was thinking about asking about.
we were at a bday party, loads of kids around, and i see an 18 mo-old kid putting a bracelet with little beads in his mouth, not just chewing but stretching the elastic to the point i was concerned. so i said "oh, hunny, let's not put that in your mouth." and he took it out and i was all "good, there you go..." and his dad pipes up and says "i'm his dad, it's ok" and i was all "oh, i just saw little beads going into his mouth and thought that might not be safe." and the guy goes, "well i'm his dad and i'm standing right here," all snotty like.
am i a helicopter parent for thinking that shouldn't be ok? should i not have tried to make sure somebody else's kid didn't choke on a bracelet?
I don't think that was too helicopter parent-y of you. You have a rule: all kids play. And this kid wasn't following the rule.
Ironflower was clearly hurt (although she was INCREDIBLY sweet to want her brother to still have fun). It was good that Lovebug stood up for her immediately, but sometimes standing up isn't enough, and you have to walk away. This was one of those times.
I think, if you wanted, you could talk to the mom about setting up a playdate, but mention to her that there was an issue about Ironflower playing at the park, and you have an all kids play rule. This way she can either tell you that is stupid (and then you know a playdate isn't a good idea), or she can agree with you, and be responsible for teaching her son not to be a jerk (which is hopefully what will happen).
@lizardbreath - I don't think that was helicopter at all. That was responsible!
@Tracie - I suppose that would be the grown up thing to do - thank you for the good advice.
I would have done the same thing. I like the "everybody plays" rule, too.
If it were me, I probably wouldn't go out of my way to talk to the kid's mom about it, though. I'd just bring it up the next time the kids play together.
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