But those other people? Need to stop coddling their children.
Look, it's no secret that I'm not really into playing with my kids. Unless it involves a sand castle or a soccer ball or this odd game we play at the playground. I've recently had to step back from Legos and blocks, not because I don't enjoy them, but because I get a little too attached to my creations. But I'm not saying this as a parent, I'm saying this as a former teacher.
Stop playing with your kids.
Recently I did a little Facebook stalking. Don't look at me like that - you've done it too. But maybe not with your now high school and college aged former students. Students that I used to watch play every day (okay, some days) at recess and every Friday during "Fun Friday". Little first and second graders who are now dating and going to college and whatnot.
I'm a little worried about the whatnot, but all the ones on Facebook seem to be hiding the whatnot rather well. Anyway, the kids who were best playing seem to be the most successful now. And by "best at playing" I mean able to take turns with toys, find something to do independently and not beg for the computer the entire time.
One of the boys I remember really well still looks so much the same. He's a kid who really struggled academically and his behavior wasn't the greatest. But when he did get to play at recess or on Fun Friday he was so happy and so capable. Now, even though his spelling hasn't really improved since the second grade, he has a job and friends and hasn't dropped out of school. That's incredibly significant when you check out the statistics on his classmates, even the ones who were more academically gifted than he was.
I know this evidence is anecdotal, not scientific. Here's a slightly more scientific article about motivating your kids. And one about the importance of play. And one about the importance of self-control. And an academic paper about independent play.
The thing is, when a kid relies a parent, baby-sitter or other caregiver for play all the time, the kid doesn't learn. The kid doesn't learn to entertain herself, to wait his turn, to share, to create or problem solve or exhibit self-control. And that makes teaching the kid SO MUCH HARDER. Really.
Plus, you know, someday your kids will have to function in the world without you. Why not let them practice when you're nearby instead of when you drop them off at school or college or their first job?
I'm a little worried about the whatnot, but all the ones on Facebook seem to be hiding the whatnot rather well. Anyway, the kids who were best playing seem to be the most successful now. And by "best at playing" I mean able to take turns with toys, find something to do independently and not beg for the computer the entire time.
One of the boys I remember really well still looks so much the same. He's a kid who really struggled academically and his behavior wasn't the greatest. But when he did get to play at recess or on Fun Friday he was so happy and so capable. Now, even though his spelling hasn't really improved since the second grade, he has a job and friends and hasn't dropped out of school. That's incredibly significant when you check out the statistics on his classmates, even the ones who were more academically gifted than he was.
I know this evidence is anecdotal, not scientific. Here's a slightly more scientific article about motivating your kids. And one about the importance of play. And one about the importance of self-control. And an academic paper about independent play.
The thing is, when a kid relies a parent, baby-sitter or other caregiver for play all the time, the kid doesn't learn. The kid doesn't learn to entertain herself, to wait his turn, to share, to create or problem solve or exhibit self-control. And that makes teaching the kid SO MUCH HARDER. Really.
Plus, you know, someday your kids will have to function in the world without you. Why not let them practice when you're nearby instead of when you drop them off at school or college or their first job?
4 comments:
I had parents that sent us outside, and only stepped in if we were beating hell out of each other, which actually didn't happen that often (which is surprising, considering that there were three of us). It certainly didn't hurt us.
Cindy - I know my middle kiddo does better when I back off. And I think something about being outside cuts down on arguments a lot. Your parents were onto something.
GOOD points! I don't think I play enough with my kid, but uggggghh I hate playing. He's decent at playing by himself, although I never hear him talking to his toys or anything. I'm a little worried about him right now 'cause he's so used to playing by himself (due to the isolation for cancer stuff). Hopefully he transitions back to playing with kids well!
Crystal - I'm sure he will. And honestly, being able to enjoy his own company is probably going to be a bonus later in life.
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