I had 3 kids in 4 years. All told, I spent over 3 years nursing. I have owned and used a triple stroller and several double strollers. I had at least one kid in diapers for 6 years straight. I still don't know what it's like not to carry snacks in my purse.
But.
I haven't held a baby for more than a few minutes in ages.
That's Lovebug.
That's Ironflower.
That's HugMonkey. I hardly have any pictures of the poor kid by himself.
I'm craving a baby. Even as I celebrate Hugmonkey heading to daily preschool, the joy of life without diapers and the fact that I don't even have to bring a sippy cup with me everywhere, I am a little sad. There are no babies in this house and there won't be ever again.* I really thought that 6 years of baby and toddlerhood straight would cure me of the baby cravings. I thought I'd had enough. Apparently I was wrong.
Last week, Ironflower and Lovebug asked for a little sister. It killed me. It was so sweet and adorable and impossible I actually teared up. In a perfect world, they would have a little sister. You know, if money and multiple c-sections weren't a factor in our lives. And if I thought I could deal with having a toddler again.
You see, I love babies. I've had baby cravings for most of my life. I love preschoolers. I love elementary school kids. I can even enjoy teenagers. But toddlers? Toddlers are tough. And the thing is, even if I could still get pregnant and afford to have Zara (because that would have to be her name), she wouldn't stay a baby. At some point she would turn into a toddler. And I would become a lousy mother, because I'm pretty sure that Lovebug and Hugmonkey used up all my toddler parenting patience. Toddlers are awesome in many ways, but there are no easy days with them. Hell, there are no easy hours with them. At least not the toddlers I have.
Clearly I need to get my baby fix another way. Any ideas?
*I'm 41 and my tubes are tied and we are way too broke to adopt. That ship has sailed so far away that you can't even see it anymore. Unless someone goes all Baby Boom on me and leaves me one. Which would be really, really, weird.
3 comments:
Nothing like baby cuddles. Best thing in the world.
I have an almost 8 month old I could lend you for a few hours :)
Mama could use the break.
I never woulda guessed. I feel lucky to make it through the day with 2!
Nina's Mama - That sounds great! I think a few hours is all I'd need to remember how much work is involved.
Avery - I don't think I could make it through real life with 4. Unless the 4th remained a baby or something.
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