HugMonkey was dressed like a typical little boy. He looks like a boy, right?
Except on this particular day he was wearing blue nail polish. I had been painting his sister's nails the night before and he wanted in on the action. Lovebug was the same way when he was 3. Of course, Lovebug had been content with clear nail polish, so no one ever noticed. But HugMonkey loves blue almost as much as he loves green, so when he saw me painting his sister's nails blue, there was no way he would settle for clear.
And, honestly, he's three. I didn't see why he should have to.
But the kids on the playground, they couldn't handle a boy-looking child wearing nail polish. It came up again and again. I noticed a few adult eyes widen too, though the adults didn't say anything directly. I felt myself over-explaining about how he wanted to copy his sister, how he was too young to understand why something as fun as nail polish is only for girls. I restrained myself from describing drag queens, the grunge movement and Alice Cooper to the sheltered grade schoolers.
Explaining everything to Hot Guy, I worked myself into an indignant lather about how little boys should be able to wear nail polish without people being confused about their gender. He pointed out that he had merely suggested that clear nail polish would have bothered people less. I started to feel like an asshole.
Why the hell should I care if people question HugMonkey's gender? Don't I profess to believe that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body? Don't I believe that gender and sexuality are continua? Doesn't he consider himself a boy, anyway? And isn't he only three? What kind of person actually spends minutes out of her day telling an 8 year old how much her nail polish wearing 3 year old loves trucks? And if he didn't love trucks, if he loved dolls and princesses too, does that somehow mean he's not a boy?
Apparently there's some part of me that's very attached to gender norms. If I had a child who didn't follow gender norms, I would love that child and let him/her be who s/he wanted, no matter what people said. I believe that. But for whatever reason, thus far my kids have been very gender normative. And having someone question my normative 3 year old boy's nail polish totally threw me for a loop.
Have you ever/would you ever let your little boy wear colored nail polish? Would you question the gender of a boy looking child wearing nail polish? Am I way more conservative than I thought I was?
9 comments:
I'm pretty conservative about this sort of thing. But I would paint a three-year-old's nails. I put make up on my little boy when he asked. But I also did gently point out that it was really for girls. I think all that needs to be said, if you want to say anything at all, is that he's only THREE for crying out loud.
I'm pretty conservative about this sort of thing. But I would paint a three-year-old's nails. I put make up on my little boy when he asked. But I also did gently point out that it was really for girls. I think all that needs to be said, if you want to say anything at all, is that he's only THREE for crying out loud.
Oh, for heaven's sake. Usually I can't comment on Blogger at all, and now it posts twice? Sorry!
My daughter's best boy friend (in preschool) had hot pink nails. He was three at the time. I thought it was pretty cool of his mom and dad to paint his nails pink. After spending the day at the zoo with his dad, I was positive that they were pretty awesome. We are all still friends two years later. If kids comment on his painted nails, let them. Just say "At least they're blue and not hot pink, right?"
Oh, I'd let a boy wear nail polish! Of course, I have three girls and no boys, so it's not something I've actually come up against.
I have noticed that it seems to be a little easier for society to accept a little girl who is a "tomboy" rather than a little boy who is...is there even a word for it? (You should hear the comments parents make about the boy in Julia's class with long hair!) Still, I get grief from people for not gussying my girls up all "girly." I've actually had people suggest that I have them wear dresses or put ribbons in their hair. I'm just not one to "doll them up." If they want to wear a dress or put ribbons in their hair, I'll do it. And if they don't want it, that's okay, too.
Lucy has been really into racecars, lately. I tried to find her some Lightning McQueen underpants per her request, but they only had them for boys. And when I pointed this out, she asked, "Don't they know I'm a girl?" Then, she asked me, "Am I girl?" I told her yes and she followed up with, "Have I always been a girl?"
I knew just how she felt, because I went through something similar when I learned that Leslie could be a boy's name, too.
I guess it's okay for Lucy to discover that when you deviate from the norm, there are people who may get confused or think it's not okay. The issue for me is trying to help her establish a sense of self that's stronger than the need for approval from those people.
Lesliesholly - I told him it's usually for girls and he hasn't asked for more. . .
Davismusic - I like that comeback!
Leslie - Oh yes, that's exactly it. And I know what you mean about the Lightning McQueen stuff, I remember trying to find dinosaur stuff for Ironflower years ago and having no luck whatsoever. Who decides these things?
I would totes let my son wear nail polish. He gets called a girl all the time because his hair is longish. Whatevs. People are idiots. I just smile and move on.
And I'm with you, wearing nail polish doesn't change your sex. Penis = boy, vagina = girl. At age 3 anyway. Things sometimes get more complicated later on.
"Who decides these things?" Usually marketing people. :-)
http://www.cracked.com/article_19780_5-gender-stereotypes-that-used-to-be-exact-opposite.html
^ Pink used to be for boys. :-D
I painted my son's toenails when he was 3. he wanted pink. it's the only time I can remember him even wanting it. I'm surprised by all the comments, especially from people with children or who are around children! When my son was 17 he grew his hair out. it got long in the 2 1/2 years he did not cut it. lots of people thought he was a girl at first glance.
when I was small I only liked guns, trucks and baseball. I was highly offended at my 5th birthday when someone had the gall to give me a Barbie!!
seems like your kids are all bright, loved and well adjusted. I think it's the other folks who may not be so much.....!
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