5/23/2012

In Which I Compare Myself To A Real Housewife

I'm going to admit this publicly, even though it shames Hot Guy: I watch all of the Real Housewives shows. I even watch their aggressive cousin, Mob Wives. I will sometimes think about these people as I go through my day. I've been known to read gossip blogs about them. I comfort myself with the knowledge that at least I haven't bought any of their books or products. It's not that I'm a FAN or anything. . . .

But I've wasted enough of my life on these shows to know that most of these bitches are delusional, narcissistic or both. So I should not have been shocked when one of them threw a hissy fit because her daughter eloped. (It was on last week's Real Housewives of Orange County, for those of you keeping score.) All the mom kept saying was how the daughter had deprived her of planning the wedding and picking out the dress together and all these occasions she'd dreamed about since the daughter was born.

I'm pretty sure that if one of my kids elopes without telling me, I'm not going to whine about missing wedding stress. I'll probably be bummed I missed the ceremony, but I've actually never fantasized about anything to do with my children's weddings. Possibly because my oldest is 7, though according to Vicki (the Real Housewife) I should have been thinking about wedding dress shopping the second they cut her out of me.

I spent half a second worrying that a Real Housewife loved her kids more than I loved mine, and then I realized that throwing a hissy fit about your 25 year old eloping is not a sign of a loving parent. I don't spend a lot of time fantasizing my kids' futures, because I figure my job is to make sure that they can have happy and productive futures - not fulfill my wish list.

Although I do have fantasies of traveling around Europe together. To be honest, though, I also have fantasies of traveling around Europe with just Hot Guy. And alone. I guess what I'm saying is that the kids aren't a required part of my European fantasy, like they would be about walking a kid down the aisle or whatever.

Except that I don't think I've ever fantasized about a wedding. Why? Because I spent my youth fantasizing about my prom and watching movies that fetishized it (Pretty in Pink came out approximately 2 years before my junior prom, okay?) and it was such a letdown. I had fun, but there was no romance, no magical moment, no suddenly being the belle of the ball. Hell, no one even dropped pig blood on the prom queen. If prom wasn't all it was cracked up to be, why would I daydream about a wedding?

What I'd really like to know is, which one of us is normal? Do you all daydream about your kids' weddings like Housewife Vicki? Would you be pissed if your kid eloped? Or would you send a gift and start demanding grandchildren, like I'm going to?









3 comments:

Kirs said...

I've tuned in a few times, I'll admit it. Although my guilty pleasure is currently the Gypsy wedding series on TLC.

I would be disappointed I didn't see the ceremony but I wouldn't throw a fit. My little one is only4 months old but I can honestly say that I can't wait for a newborn to be brought into the house, put into my arms and then taken home to keep my son or daughter and their spouse up all night while hubby and I sleep the night away.

Yup in 25 years or so I will get some sleep. Can't wait.

Anonymous said...

Oh, man. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have a wedding at all, and I'll certainly counsel my kids not to, unless they have a burning desire. Too much drama! Courthouse weddings are the best.

Cindy Lou Who said...

wow, this is why I don't watch those shows. I get enough of this sort of narcissism in my 12 step meetings.