Why Yes, Parenthood Is the Toughest Job in the World

Recently, writer Meghan Daum from the Los Angeles Times challenged the idea that being a stay-at-home parent is the hardest job in the world. I was going to leave her a comment, as I thought it was an interesting perspective in the whole Ann Romney/Hilary Rosen debacle, but naturally the comments section is filled with nasty, name-calling trolls.

And it's possible my comment might have gotten a little long.

Before you start thinking I have time to read op-eds in random newspapers, my mom (and possibly my Dad, but he sends A LOT of articles) emailed me the article. In the article, Meghan (I mean no disrespect, we went to school together, even though she probably has no idea who I am now, I still can't imagine calling her "Ms. Daum" or whatever) lists some jobs that she suspects might be harder than being a stay-at-home parent, such as coal miner, President of the United States and teacher in an underfunded urban school district.

In a lot of ways, she's right. As a stay-at-home (or rather, stay-in-the-car) mom, I can wear yoga pants all day. I have no dress code, HR handbook or performance reviews. I have no boss. I can let some of my work, such as the laundry, slide for weeks. If I'm running late, people smile at me sympathetically - they don't dock my pay.

But I've also been a teacher in an underfunded urban school district. And while I appreciate that no one is telling me to radically alter my methods every year (as struggling school districts are wont to do), it's kinda tough to come up with your own methods all of the damn time. The challenge in being a stay-at-home parent - or honestly, any parent - is that it's ALL YOU, ALL THE TIME. There are no lesson plans, curriculum guides or experienced teachers handing you a stack of stuff to do the first week. There's no leaving at the end of the day. There's no "out-of-office" email response when your children need your help with something. There's no going to Hawaii or your ranch in Texas or wherever Presidents go to relax.

I mean, even if you go to Hawaii and don't bring your children with you, you are still their parent. You're still going to worry about them. You're still ultimately responsible for how they are cared for while you are gone. You're still the one who is going to fly home if they break their legs. Your heart is still otherwise engaged, even if you are drunk at a strip club in Las Vegas.

Even when they leave home and have jobs and kids of their own, you still worry about them. You are never, ever done with the job. You can be an ex-teacher, an ex-coal miner or a former President. . .but you can't be an ex- or former parent*.

And as the stay-at-home parent, even when you're hospitalized, you're still "working" by organizing and planning and worrying about the kids. You can be delirious with a fever (as happened last week when I had strep), but you've still gotta organize who's taking the kids where and whether the homework got done and take care of all the details that your working spouse doesn't even know about. Not only is the job never over, there aren't any sick or vacation days.

So Meghan, THAT'S why everyone calls it the hardest job in the world. It's not that my day is so tough, especially compared to the President's. It's that the President will be done with his (or her, that's gonna happen someday, right people?) job in a finite period of time. After 4 or 8 years, the responsibility is lifted. As for teachers and coal miners, they LEAVE work at the end of the day. The day may suck, but then they've got at least 12 hours where they are free. Not so with parenthood.

*Okay, there are circumstances where that happens, but they are rare and depressing and horrible and I don't want to write about them.