I've read that quote, in various forms, in lots of different parenting advice books. I was able to do it when the first 2 kids were small. With them being 15 months apart, Ironflower pretty much had to learn to do things for herself quickly. And of course Lovebug wanted in on the action. But with Hugmonkey, things have been different. Even if I couldn't do something for him, one of his siblings could. So I would get them to do it. It was so much faster and easier.
It was when he was 3 and was still not even attempting to put on his own slip on shoes that I realized I'd screwed up. Lovebug and Ironflower put on their own shoes well before 3. It was hell getting Hugmonkey to put his own shoes on. But after 2 months of hell, he does it now. And his coat if I lay it out for him. He gets his own pajamas. He puts on his own underwear, his own pants. None of this is huge, exactly, but in the last few weeks? His behavior has gotten so much better. The more I teach him to do, the more praise he gets for accomplishments like getting his own yogurt tube out of the refrigerator, the better he behaves in general. Apparently self-esteem and behavior are very closely tied together. I think I used to know that.
So then we come to Ironflower and Lovebug. So capable at 2 and 3, 3 and 4. So well-behaved. It's not that they're poorly behaved now. But maybe things could be better. And maybe I should stop laying out their clothes for them. It seems that while I was able to overcome control freak tendencies when they were small, I've sort of kept them at those same levels. I still put toothpaste on their toothbrushes so they won't make a mess. At 7 and almost 6, they don't know how to answer the phone. Sure, they dress themselves and I have taught them to shower on their own, but that's about all the progress we've made since they were 3. Whoops.
So I need suggestions. What else can a kindergartner and a first grader do independently? I know I should step back from the toothpaste and laying out their clothes for them, but what other tasks are reasonable? What chores should they have around the house? Right now, it's picking up their own toys - something else they've been doing since they were small. Though, oddly, they do not seem to have gotten any faster at it. Anyway, how can I encourage competence and thus (hopefully) better behavior? I keep threatening to make them clean the bathroom as a punishment, but I'm guessing that's a little too advanced.
Also, I should probably stop threatening them with things I'm not going to do. Pretty sure I remember that rule from my teaching days, not to mention the countless parenting books. Next thing you know, I'll be feeding them Red Bull and pixie sticks before I force them to participate in "beauty" pageants.
Just kidding. I would never feed my kids Red Bull.
So I need suggestions. What else can a kindergartner and a first grader do independently? I know I should step back from the toothpaste and laying out their clothes for them, but what other tasks are reasonable? What chores should they have around the house? Right now, it's picking up their own toys - something else they've been doing since they were small. Though, oddly, they do not seem to have gotten any faster at it. Anyway, how can I encourage competence and thus (hopefully) better behavior? I keep threatening to make them clean the bathroom as a punishment, but I'm guessing that's a little too advanced.
Also, I should probably stop threatening them with things I'm not going to do. Pretty sure I remember that rule from my teaching days, not to mention the countless parenting books. Next thing you know, I'll be feeding them Red Bull and pixie sticks before I force them to participate in "beauty" pageants.
Just kidding. I would never feed my kids Red Bull.
7 comments:
My six year old still doesn't answer the phone, but that's mostly because she doesn't yet know which people get told "Mommy is busy right now"
If that quote is true, I'm in trouble. I do so much for my kids. That's bad? Ugh.
Julia is 7, however, and she does shower herself, pick out her own clothes and dress herself. She can get herself a snack (after asking permission, of course). We've been talking about teaching her to cook at least one meal that could be served at dinner, but it hasn't happened, yet. I still comb her hair, but mostly because she has so much of it! And I like doing it.
Lucy is 3, almost 4. She's only recently started to dress herself and she had to yell at me to let her do it! :( I baby Lucy. Maybe even more than I baby Phoebe! Poor Lucy. Am I ruining her life?
Both of my kids (and I'm not bragging, it's pure laziness on my part) pack their own lunch. The Girl, now 10, has been doing it since Kindergarten, and The Boy, now 6, started doing it this year for kindergarten. I mean, they're not making creme brule, but a simple sandwich and snacks is a reasonable task for them to complete. They also have chores everyday. The Boy has to pick up the playroom, his room and feed the dogs. The Girl has to load/unload the dishwasher, clean the cat box and pick up her room. Again, simple tasks I know they can do!
C (5) picks out her clothes and dresses herself. Brushes her own teeth and hair. Feeds the dog and gives her water. As for cleaning, she dusts the furniture (with a. Swiffer duster) and wipes the counters, sink, and outside surfaces of the toilet in the bathroom. She can make a sandwich, but Jeff still makes her lunch for school. She can measure and pour water to make easy mac, but the microwave is too high.
J (3) dresses himself (matching clothes is a challenge, so I let him pick either the pants or the shirt, then I pick the other to match) Brushes his own teeth in the morning (I do it before bed) and brushes his hair. He feeds the dog and gives her water. He also dusts (but I usually do a follow-up) and wipes the counters, sink and
outside surfaces of the toilet. He can make a sandwich. His teacher at preschool recently taught him to zip his coat.
Having them wipe down the sinks and counters has helped encourage them not to make a mess with the toothpaste. Making J wipe the toilet has helped him be more careful with his aim : )
@psychobabble - I hadn't even thought about that. I'll put the phone thing off.
@Leslie - I think it depends on the context, too. Like if they freak out when you ask them to do something, that's probably bad. But if they want more responsibility? They're fine. You are an awesome mom with great kids. :)
@Annifer - I think being too lazy to teach them new skills is what got me into this mess, but if they made their own lunches I would be pretty happy.
@Davismusic - That is awesome. Clearly I need to get on the ball!
They can probably make their beds and clean mirrors that aren't too high to reach. Probably peel carrots and potatoes with a vegetable peeler as long as they're supervised (those suckers are still sharp). Maybe even vacuum if supervised...
I'm pretty sure that peeling potatoes is the only legitimate reason to have kids though. I love mashed potatoes (skinless) but hate peeling! I kid you not- it's why I only by organic potatoes and carrots (no peeling needed- just wash well).
I always believe that there is strong consensus that parents matter in how their children develop and function. Many of the skills children acquire are fundamentally dependent on their interactions with their caregivers and the broader social environment.
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