An Apology to Transsexuals: A Rant About Birth Control

I said something inadvertently offensive on Twitter the other day. Since I'm not famous, this was only a big deal to me. As in, I've been feeling completely awful about it but only one other person reacted. Fairly mildly, I might add. Still, I feel like a total asshole. It's not like I've never said anything about an entire group of people before, or that I've never offended anyone before. It's just that, if I offend you because I say everyone should have the right to marry or that The Bachelor is stupid, well, then, I don't really mind offending you.

But in this case, in reply to a person asking how a "real woman" could vote Republican, I said something about always suspecting that Ann Coulter was a pre-op transsexual. Which is offensive to transsexuals, obviously. So I want to apologize. I am sorry.

Clearly I should have said that I suspected she was a lousy drag queen, or a robot created in Karl Rove's secret laboratory. Clearly I don't mean to imply anyone who identifies a woman, regardless of what's between her legs, is not a real woman. Though honestly, I think the phrase "real woman" or "real man" is pretty stupid. Gender, like sexuality, is an identifier influenced by biology as well as culture, so who gets to judge what's "real"? I always hear the women on Wife Swap saying how "real men" go out to work in an office or "real women" wear make-up or whatever crap the producers tell them to say. Do you think those assumptions work for indigenous tribes in the Amazon? Real is in the eye of the beholder, bitches.

But what was going on in my head when I made the statement about Ann Coulter was that she doesn't have a* uterus. And so far medical science is not creating uteri for transsexuals. (Though I totally think they should). I wasn't thinking about gender constructs and womanhood, I was thinking body parts. You see, if Ann Coulter had, or had ever had, a* uterus, she wouldn't be the Republican poster girl that she is. And if you have a* uterus, or have ever had a* uterus, or respect anyone with a* uterus,  you wouldn't dream of even voting Republican.

Even if you're so anti-choice that you'd happily bear the child of your rapist or let a loved one die to save a fetus. Even if you're so Catholic that you think using contraception is evil. Even if you believe in legal protections for cells from the moment of fertilization and are against IVF and stem cell research. Even if you believe that Planned Parenthood should be destroyed because 3% of its services involve abortion and that low income women don't deserve access to birth control, cancer screenings and other basic health care.

Here's the thing. If you have a uterus, you might need the pill sometime. The pill treats conditions like endometriosis, polycystic ovarian syndrome and uterine fibroid tumors. These are things that just happen sometimes and are not caused by having sex while unmarried or liking threesomes or whatever other behaviors men fear. These conditions can happen to virgins and Christian mothers and everything. The pill can help alleviate some of the horrible symptoms so that these women can work and/or take care of their children and otherwise be productive members of society. Despite the medical necessity for these women, though,  Republicans do not want your employer sponsored health insurance to cover this pill. In fact, some Republicans (I'm looking at you, Santorum) do not want anyone to cover this pill. They don't care that it might be medically necessary. They don't understand that for some people twenty extra dollars a month really is a problem. They want to decide what's best for your uterus. And they don't even want to hear what anyone with a uterus has to say about it.

I'm guessing that they wouldn't listen to a transsexual, either.



*I think technically this word should be "an". But I also think "an uterus" sounds dumb. So there.