I was in the swimming class observation area at the Y, which I think at least has the potential to be an SNL sketch, what with all the competimommies and screaming toddlers and older siblings resentfully doing their homework. Or possibly I just have low entertainment standards. Anyway, I was eavesdropping on the people on the bench in front me.
I noticed her at first because of the tight low-waisted jeans. The average mom around here might have a rockin' body , but she doesn't display it at swim lessons (despite what The Real Housewives of New Jersey may have led you to believe). I assumed at first she was a nanny, which is why I started eavesdropping. Because in addition to the sexy jeans, she was touching the guy's arm a lot and tossing her hair. And if I can't have my own nanny, I might as well enjoy some possible nanny scandal, right?
Schadenfreude. It's a tribute to my husband's German heritage. Like you've never felt it.
Anyway, as I listened to their conversation, I realized she was a mom. A mom not married to the guy she was totally flirting with, whose own wife was apparently in the locker room with their kid. Just when I had convinced myself that some women are flirty with all men and it doesn't mean anything, she went straight into caricature mode.
She stood. Then she leaned forward and wiggled her behind while she seemed to be picking something up. The view for the guy (and me, unfortunately sitting behind him) was sort of like this:
But with wiggling.
Then she looked back and grinned at him. That's when I thought of Tim Allen. I could see this happening to him on one of his shows, this woman being such a one-dimensional vixen, and no one believing that she'd hit on him until they realized she'd hit on every guy in the show. Or something like that.
I may have giggled out loud as she tossed her hair (again) and turned to look at him. I don't know if it was the giggle or the guy's wife coming back that caused her to stand and start acting like a real person again.
A real person who glared at me. I wanted to say, "Hey lady, I'm not the one acting like a bad sitcom vixen!" But instead I stared at my phone screen like someone had just texted me something funny. As I watched her out of the corner of my eye (wouldn't you?), I saw her wink at the guy before he left. While she was talking to his wife.
Maybe it was more like a soap opera than a sitcom, come to think of it.
Although if they were already having some sort of affair, they would be more circumspect, wouldn't they? And she wouldn't be trying that hard, right? I mean, I never even tried that hard when I was single and in a club, unless I was really, really, really drunk and the guy was really, really hot. And then I don't think it ever worked. So what do I know?
That sitcoms are meant to be exaggerated and ridiculous and the people at my Y shouldn't be, that's what.
3 comments:
*lol* If I'd been sitting next to you, I'd probably just have my mouth hanging open in that "I can't believe I'm actually seeing this- am I really seeing this?" expression. Until she glared at you in which case I'd be cracking up out loud.
Unless he's actually looking for something easy, she's totally not going to get it. Men who actually go after chicks like that aren't going after them because they're irresistible, it's because they're convenient.
Sitcom or soap? Like most stuff in life it's a dramady! what I love most about your writing is the honesty. We all love to easedrop, it helps us gauge how odd/disfunctional our own lives are. Most people take a faux pc "Oh I can't stand gossip" stance which is both boorish and disengenuous. Thanks for the real...
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