I thought I would get advice where all socially awkward people get advice: the internetz. So. . .
Ironflower is my social butterfly. She makes friends wherever she goes and instinctively handles herself well in social situations. But she's also pretty sensitive, so when she first started talking about . . .um, let's call her Nastygirl. . .last year I didn't take it very seriously. Nastygirl told Ironflower that her Tinkerbell backpack was babyish. Nastygirl said her drawing was ugly. Nastygirl, it turned out, always had a negative comment for Ironflower.
I encouraged Ironflower to ignore Nastygirl, explained that she must be very unhappy. I eavesdropped on a playground conversation or two, wondering if my daughter had brought this on herself. But it sure didn't sound like it. As I got to know Nastygirl's mom, I was really surprised. Nastygirl's mom is really sweet. And seems to have no idea that her daughter hates my daughter. I didn't know how to bring it up and decided not to since Ironflower had other friends in her class.
I was incredibly relieved when they were put in different classes for first grade. It's not so much that Nastygirl was truly upsetting Ironflower anymore, but who needs a constant negative commentary? And I lived in fear of her nice mother suggesting a play date.
But naturally we've run into them twice now that soccer has taken over our lives. At the last game, Nastygirl laughed when Ironflower got hurt. And told her she wasn't any good at soccer. Ironflower is already a little self-conscious about her (lack of) soccer skills, so naturally this didn't help at all. I think at this point it's bothering me more than Ironflower, thought, the poor kid just expects Nastygirl to be, well, nasty to her. But I can't decide if I should say anything to Nastygirl's sweet mom, or just ignore the situation. If my kid was making comments like that, I would want to know. But Hot Guy and I are very big on our kids not turning into bullies or their minions, which I can't say for everyone around here. And honestly, I cannot imagine what I would say in this conversation, how I would say it or if I'm being a total helicopter parent.
What do you think, wise internetz?
7 comments:
That's a tough one. I wouldn't even know how to start this convo with Nastygirl's mom. I would say to (try and) ignore it, unless it becomes an issue for Ironflower. Then maybe it would be something to talk about with the other's mother.
This situation sucks big time. She is bullying your little one.
Mind you there ha to be something in her background that makes her feel good to belittle others around her. I don't know about saying anything to the mom it may cause problems. When the incident happened where she fell down and the Nastygirl laughed, where was the mom? See if she does it to anyone else's kid and talk to their moms and see if they are going through the same situation. You are the child's protector and you do not want this to escalate as they get older. Good luck!
This is a sucky situation. I think that after she laughed when your little one got hurt, that would be the time to intervene. However, I usually start with a teacher (or soccer coach, in this case). That way the instant mommy defensiveness is less likely to creep up in either of you. Even if your daughter seems alright now, that kind of negative commentary has a way of wrapping itself up inside of our inner view of ourselves.
Since I'd want to know if my kid was making bullying comments, I'd tell the mom. And I'd start the convo like that. "Hey, I wasn't sure how to bring this up with you, but if it was me, I'd want to know..."
Dory
It's tough but I think you should say something to Nastygirl's mom. My mom had to do this for me once and it made me feel so much better. PLus bullying is such a heated topic right now. A boy in our district just killed himself over the weekend because of bullying. He was older than Ironflower but you don't want it to escalate.
Took - Yeah, the starting is what scares me the most.
Abbie - The mom and I were across the field. I only know because Ironflower told me about it.
b303tilly - It really is. I've never actually heard the kid, it's always just been my daughter reporting stuff, so that makes it harder.
Dory - That's a good suggestion.
Am I Really Grown Up? - Oh, that is so sad. I definitely want to stop things before they get worse.
I agree about talking to a third party. It's always easier to hear things about your child if its from an "authority" figure such as teacher or coach.
She may not be truly bothered by it now but some 'stings' stay with you.
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