Regular readers of this blog (aka people who know me in real life) will be wondering why I have a subscription to the magazine in the first place. I mean, I can't cook. I think craft time means letting my kids have the glue, markers and scrap paper and very little commentary from me. I don't really enjoy games.
I'm pretty sure that my parenting philosophy, "Lazy parents make problem solving, self-entertaining kids"* is the antithesis of the Family Fun philosophy. I'm reasonably sure that most of the other subscribers became stay-at-home parents out of a lifelong desire, not because they desperately missed their kids and were sick of teaching in the 'hood.** So they do complicated crafts that involve them spending hours cutting out thousands of little hearts and I do crafts that involve me praising my kids' creativity while I blog. They follow recipes for kid-friendly casseroles and design innovative cupcakes, I feel good when I remember to cut up Hugmonkey's hot dog. They enthusiastically play the games as a family and I see how quickly I can teach my kids to play them independently.
When I first started reading the magazine, it reminded me of the kind of parent I thought I would be. The kind of parent I thought I should be. The kind of parent I was trying to be. That perfect kind of parent. The one who thinks it's fun to spend 4 hours playing CandyLand. The one who sits up at night, cutting out construction paper flowers so her kids can glue them on a flower pot the next day. I thought it would inspire me.
Instead the issues just started filling me with guilt. Because I'm not all crafty or able to cook or gung ho about playing with my kids. I'm far from perfect. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Sometimes my kids seriously get on my nerves. Sometimes it's easier to bribe them with a trip to Wendy's. Sometimes I look through Family Fun and modify every activity so that my kids can do them independently and I can oversee while I blog or whatever. It doesn't take an early childhood education degree to know this stuff. Every time I saw the magazine in the mailbox, I would have this stab of guilt and self-doubt. The stab went from the steak knife kind to the dagger kind and was quickly heading for Valyrian steel sword
territory.But I'm 40 now. It's a little late to be whining about who I'm "supposed" to be. My kids are happy and really good at entertaining themselves, so what exactly do I have to feel guilty about? I'm pretty sure my failure to be a Family Fun kind of mom is not going to be what drives them into therapy. In fact, I'm thinking of starting a new magazine. **** One for all the rest of us: Lazy Parents United. It would include articles on how to bribe your kids into picking up their toys, crafts that require no prep and little clean up, and other tricks for lazy parents.
Would you read it? Or are you a more Family Fun kind of parent?
*I'm totally trademarking that, by the way.
**I was bitten. And had a chair thrown at me. And had a parent stalk me.
***Although that time I donated that wrong bag of toys may be what drives them into an episode of Hoarders. Oops.
****Well, website. Because who would launch a paper magazine these days? Besides, I actually know how to start a website. Pretty sure I could have a future with web design careers!
7 comments:
I'm TOTALLY feeling the pain from your Valeriyan steel sword of parental guilt--its rippling blade of the sharpest self-doubt doubled and redoubled back upon itself--in my kids' activities (or lack thereof) this summer. Other girls the age of my eldest (12) and middle (10) are returning to their summer-long stays at sleep-away camp: not in our budget. Will my kids wind up in therapy because I didn't make their summer entertainment the financial goal of this past fiscal year? (Sword zings through the air).
On the other hand, I don't think our apparently mutual parenting approach (go draw some pictures with these cool markers I got you so you don't disturb me while I blog about you) is actually "lazy" parenting, more like 70s parenting without the martinis and with better safety equipment. I feel like truly lazy parents are the ones who don't set boundaries with their kids; you know, the ones whose kids grab their faces when you're trying to talk to them (the parents, your friends), screaming, "I DON'T WANT YOU TO TALK TO HER!!!" At least I know I'm not that bad. Bring on the martinis!
I would buy a sbusrciption. I also felt that buy reading those MOM magazines I felt bad I wasn't a better mother.
Now that I am a grandma it works out for me. I think I should have been a grandma all along!!!
Cosmo's even taste better :)
I'm so with you on this! I have all these ideas that will be so much fun to do together and then I decide it's easier to let her play/craft alone. Sometimes I worry that I'm going to make her the non-social kid in the class, so then I gert in there and craft until I'm annoyed:)
I was the Family Fun mom with Julia and have eased up with each successive child. I'd be all for the Lazy Parent magazine. I'm totally there now.
I am t and I said r. It was an experement to see if I could actually publish a comment. The last 3 I typed on my not-so-smart phone disappeared when I hit publish.
I want a subscription to LPU. I don't believe it's lazy parenting if I'm teaching my kids to problem solve and create independently. I try to give them the tools and materials they need to create and then let them be. They have become better at conflict resolution. (C won't play with J if he bites). They are learning consequences of their actions (playdoh is not fun if they leave it out and it turns crusty) and this is all preparing them for real life.
You taught in the hood long enough to know what lazy parents are like. Kids who start kdg at age 6 because mom "forgot" they were supposed to start school....last year. Twins who were "homeschooled" but still couldn't write their own name on their first day of school IN FOURTH GRADE AT AGE 10!
Maybe the title of your magazine should be Laid-Back Parents Unite.
I used to read magazines like that when I was a new mom.
Same guilt followed.
Now that my kids are older.
I mostly read cosmo.
Its a whole different ball game now.
I say throw out the guilt and just live knowing your a kickass mom.
: )
Just my two cents.
Helena - I love that 70's parenting idea - that's perfect. And sleep-away camp, from what I hear, is probably more likely to put them in therapy than not going!
Abbie - I think I'd be better at being a grandma too. I'll check in in 20 years. . .
Am I Really Grown Up - I think the non-social kid is often the one who was over-indulged and only played with adults who let him/her win all the time.
Leslie - You were one of my inspirations for being a more crafty mom!
Carrie - Blogger and phones don't play well together. I like your title better. It has been so long since I taught I've forgotten what truly lazy parents are like.
KittyCat - I'm trying.Maybe I should pick up a Cosmo again.
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