I Used To Be Cool, I Swear

I didn't feel bad when we bought the minivan. It had SO MUCH room, after all. And I didn't have to hunch to strap the kids into their seats. A sense of unease began to creep in when I realized that the only shoes I wear are clogs or flip flops, but I ignored it. It was a little harder to dismiss that I always have band aids, wipes and pretzels on my person, but surely the fact that I carried them in a stylish purse had to excuse something, right?

It wasn't even driving my kids to lessons at the Y and hitting the grocery store twice a week that brought it all home. It was signing them up for soccer this afternoon.

Soccer.

Next fall I will be spending my weekends watching my 2 older children on the soccer field. While wearing my clogs and (probably) pulling band aids out of my purse.

I am now a soccer mom.

It doesn't matter that I have tattoos or that I've danced on bars or that I've gotten high in Amsterdam. It doesn't matter that we have dancing time and go on nature walks and listen to Led Zeppelin in our household. It doesn't matter that my kids have never actually seen a soccer game.

I've still turned into a stereotype of suburban motherhood.

I don't know why soccer sign ups are worse than being the last person to hear about Florence and the Machine or realizing that I can't remember the last party I went to that didn't involve goody bags of candy, but they are. Possibly because there is just no way to make a bunch of 6 year olds running around a muddy field hip or cool in any way.

Also possibly because I will probably enjoy making small talk while my kids run around a muddy field. So it's not so much that I'm a soccer mom now, it's that I like it. Just please don't let me start listening to Michael Bolton and taping Oprah.