An Open Letter to Snooki

Dear Snooki,

     Until fairly recently, I had every intention of sending my kids to Rutgers. It's always been a good school and as residents they will have to take out smaller student loans to attend. But now, now I think we should move across the border so they can get reduced rates at a SUNY school instead. It's not your fault, Snooki, I want to make that absolutely clear. If Rutgers wanted to pay me $32,000 to discuss my drunken exploits I would do it. Even if I had to talk about that night with the cowboy. So I totally get your part in this. I just hope you're saving some of your money for when the next Guidette comes along.

I wanted to ask you a favor, though. After you get that big Rutgers check into your tiny, tan hands, could you remind them that you are a reality TV star who didn't graduate from college? And that maybe, just maybe, your life and career trajectory are not what Rutgers students should be aiming for?

I mean no disrespect, Snooki. But even you have to admit that you don't need a college degree or professional accolades to be on the Jersey Shore. Or find a ghostwriter for a book. Or smush Guidos. Or get a drunk and disorderly arrest. Hell, I don't even think you have to be able to read beyond the second grade level to do any of those things. So why should Rutgers spend money to have you speak to its students? Wouldn't it be more appropriate for you to speak to all the 20 year olds not going to college or working full-time? Give THEM advice on how to turn sharing a shore house into a multi-million dollar industry?

Snooki, I don't want to send my kids to a college that's going to pander to them (ask your Rutgers friends what that means) and insult writers like Toni Morrison in the process. Please, please make Rutgers understand that they are heading down the wrong path. Talk to them, bring The Situation with you, hand out shots, whatever it takes. . .just make sure they understand what a big mistake they've made. I'll be forever grateful. And if that's not enough, there's a really hot Guido landscaper in my town. I'd be happy to introduce you. . .

Triplezmom