11/23/2010

Things For Which I Am Not Thankful

Lots of posts this week will be about what we're all thankful for, or how much we appreciate our families/friends/DVRs. And that's great. I'll read those posts and I'll think, "Damn, I should have nice thoughts like those other bloggers." But I don't need to vent my nice thoughts. . . .

Things For Which I Am Not Thankful, 2010 Edition

1. Hugmonkey's pinching, biting and screaming abilities. He pinched his younger cousin so hard this weekend that he left a mark on her face. I am at least thankful that he didn't bite her since I can attest that that hurts more than the pinching.

2. The fact that 2 sets of favorite cousins are gathering this weekend, plus my lucky hookers in Kansas City. While I'll be home with my kids. Woohoo.

3. The fact there's a little voice in my head saying, but of course you're thankful to have your amazing kids and that last listing makes you sound unappreciative. That little voice also whines when I relax on the couch to watch TV and practically cries whenever I yell. She's kind of a sanctimonious little bitch, really.

4. The Tea Party, Glenn Beck and the entire Palin family. On the other hand, they may prompt an exciting move to Australia which I'm sure will give me a lot of fodder for the blog.

5. Jeggings. Ugg boots. And probably any other fashion items with 2 "g"s.

6. The fact that my skin is so much worse now than it was when I was a teenager. Sure, my self-esteem is higher now but back then I was skinny, wrinkle-free and had perky boobs. It seems unfair that pretty much everything is going downhill fast.

7. My brilliant idea of letting the kids play with the to-be-recycled card board boxes. Sure, it's all creative and whatnot but who knew that I wouldn't be able to get rid of them for weeks? When I suggested recycling them the kids stared at me like I'd suggested recycling their Legos.

8. Every toy commercial shown during Phineas and Ferb and The Magic School Bus.

9. Our digital camera. It has slowly been dying and the result is that our pictures of 2010 are crappy. It's very hard to make the Grandma calendar when all of your pictures are crappy.

10. Whoever taught Lovebug and Ironflower the word "dumbass". It IS really funny when they say it so I'm having a hard time correcting it.

11. The fact that Hugmonkey appears to have skipped over saying, "Mommy". He said, "Mama" for a while, but now he just yells, "Moooom!". Won't I have years of that later? Couldn't I be "Mommy" for a few more years?