10/23/2010

It's Official. I Suck.

So on Thursday evening Ironflower slammed Lovebug's wrist area in the minivan door. I was on the other side of the car strapping ChunkyMonkey in and even though we're supposed to have a rule about no shutting the door without permission, well, apparently I haven't been enforcing that rule quite enough.

Luckily, Ironflower is not very strong so Lovebug, though in pain, could move everything and had no marks or bruises. At first, I thought he was exaggerating because he was overtired. But when he woke up an hour after crashing to sleep, crying about his wrist, I felt guilty. The ER crossed my mind, but I knew the wrist wasn't broken and I didn't think a late night at the ER would help. Also, I didn't see any swelling. But I called Hot Guy home from work anyway.  He concurred and treated the patient. With an Ace bandage and a does of Ibuprofen, Lovebug fell asleep.

In the morning, there seemed no needed for a trip anywhere. It was sore, but we still had movement, no marks and little swelling. Lovebug was perfectly cheerful. I felt reassured. So I brought him and Ironflower to the Family Fun Night at the preschool that evening. Where Lovebug had a perfectly lovely time until he slipped while running after one of his friends.

Naturally, because I suck, once again I missed the exact moment of injury. When I turned, Lovebug was flat on the floor, sobbing his eyes out. As he continued to cry, I reminded myself that it was past his bedtime. But in my heart I suspected something different. I suspected that Lovebug had instinctively tried to catch himself as fell and hurt his wrist again.

My heart broke as he didn't want to resume playing and struggled not to keep crying. Eventually we got Ironflower (in reality it was probably 10 minutes, but it felt like forever) and came home. Where Hot Guy and I debated the merits of the ER that night versus this morning.

Lovebug decided for us when he asked to go to bed, his swelling hand wrapped and propped on a pillow. The original plan had been for Hot Guy to take him today, as Lovebug is having a serious Daddy phase and also tends to wallow when he's with me. When Hot Guy calms him about stuff, it works. When I try to calm him, he usually freaks out more. But Hot Guy didn't feel well this morning so he and I had a discussion about taking Lovebug which made it sound like neither one of us wanted to go.

And Lovebug heard.

I tried to explain, to help him understand that Hot Guy was just tired and that I just wanted him to handle the trip successfully. I hugged him and said that he was great and hadn't done anything wrong. I tried to make it okay.

But it's not. I let my little boy hurt himself twice and then I let him get hurt emotionally. Now that he and Hot Guy are at the ER, I can hardly stand it. I feel so guilty for not taking him myself, for not taking him sooner, for letting him get hurt again.

I am sure this puts me in the "sucky mothers" handbook.

*Poor kid is now in a cast up to his elbow. Two hairline fractures. I think I deserve a kidney punch.

4 comments:

Lisa B. said...

You are fine! These things happen to kids all the time, it was just compounded by the extenuating circumstances. It's taken care of and he will heal and everything will be OK! Hugs and kisses to the little guy from us...

Jerseygirl89 said...

@Lisa B., Thank you. But I feel so guilty for thinking he was exaggerating.

kittycat said...

Damn that totally sucks. SO sorry to hear.

But I can top that. My daugher broke her arm at my sons baseball game, and I didnt think it was broken so I refused to take her to the ER. Until the next day at the dr when they told me it was broken. I have yet to live that one down on how horrible of a mom I am.

Hang in there.

Catootes said...

Nope! No sucking for you.
It happens. Unless you've developed x-ray vision, how are you supposed to know if the symptoms do not always point to broken bones? Kid's get hurt and sometimes we miss it. It's not like you left him bleeding in the car while you sucked down a margarita.