8/04/2010

Simon Cowell Is Like A Margarita

A former contestant on Britain's Got Talent is suing Simon Cowell because he humiliated her on the show. When I snorted while reading the article, Hot Guy wanted to know what was up.

I think it's a testimony to our love that my snorts, instead of repelling him, make him interested in whatever I am reading.

So I explained about the suit. I may have also implied that this woman does not deserve several million pounds for getting humiliated on a Simon Cowell show, since by now even people who hate pop culture know what happens when you sing in front of Simon Cowell.

This is a man, after all, who does not appreciate Jennifer Hudson.

I expected Hot Guy to agree. I mean, the humiliation of others is half the reason people watch those shows. And while the other judges might dash dreams, Simon makes a sport of how nasty he can be. So anyone who does audition should know exactly what they're in for, shouldn't they?

Instead, I got to hear a little lecture about how dreadful it is that Simon Cowell makes so much money being mean to people and basically he deserves every frivolous law suit he gets.

I was a little taken aback. Hot Guy usually agrees with me about frivolous law suits AND he's always said that he won't watch any competition shows because of the annoying screams of the adolescent audience.

But now I see Hot Guy's point. Simon's mean just to be mean and it does seem rather unfair that he's got more money that the queen because of it.

So now I'm wondering what song I should sing for my audition. I guarantee he will  be very nasty to me because I can't carry a tune unless I think no one else is listening. Then I can sue him for several million dollars and finally buy a new dishwasher. And redo my basement. . .

Damn,  I'm too old for American Idol and I don't think Simon's on America's Got Talent (I'm pretty sure David Hasselhoff is , but there's no point in suing him. Better he saves his money for another trip to rehab). Which is understandable, because the truth is, I don't think Simon Cowell yelling at me would make me feel humiliated like it would have at 20. It would just make me ask him if it's true that his penis is only 3 inches long (c'mon, it must be - what other excuse for his bitterness is there?) and somehow I don't think this would help me with the whole "poor humiliated woman" case.

So there go my dreams for suing Simon Cowell. But hey, at least I've come to agree with Hot Guy on the whole thing. Though I still say frivolous lawsuits are bad, they are not bad if they involve Simon Cowell. Like tequila is bad, unless it's part of a margarita.

6 comments:

Tweets that mention Simon Cowell Is Like A Margarita | Dirty Little Secret -- Topsy.com said...

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Pearl Jones, Jerseygirl89. Jerseygirl89 said: Simon Cowell Is Like A Margarita http://goo.gl/fb/260TG [...]

WordVixen said...

Travis- You can sue them for not offering you a contract, because "do not appeal to me never" is a double negative, which means that they'll love it as soon as "now" is over.

Jen- Is it so wrong that I think Simon Cowell is absolutely hot?

Jerseygirl89 said...

Michelle - Seriously. I could make fun of people for a living. Especially a living like Simon Cowell's.

Jerseygirl89 said...

Travis: Try it and find out. Especially since the literary agent in question has grammar issues.

Wordvixen - Well, I personally think he's gross, but since I have a thing for Axl Rose I try not to judge. :)

Hot Guy said...

Hot maybe- but Simon Cowell is a bully- plain and simple, and to me, that supersedes physical attractiveness and makes one as ugly as a Hollywood divorce. And if he ever spoke to my wife or kids the way he treats people on that show, I would beat the Brit out of him and kick him in his tiny tiny balls. What Jerseygirl did not tell you was after my "lecture" I declared that the family must remember the golden rule and always treat other (especially in our family) with love and respect. That is my entire point. And yes- I despise most pop-culture for the same superfluous flummery that I see represented in men like him making money. Sue away, everyone!

JenJerseygirl89 said...

Soccermom, I think we all are!