I am currently sporting a Cars band-aid around my thumb. It is band-aid number 4 and I have it so tightly wound that it's going to leave marks. In fact, I'm slightly concerned that my wound is going to need more than a band-aid.
It happened in the kitchen. Almost every injury I've gotten since having kids has occurred in the kitchen. I was cutting up cantaloupe while trying to block out a big kid screaming game as well as translate 20 month old gobbledy-gook. ChunkyMonkey yelled in frustration, I turned to look at him and . . .blood gushed from my thumb. I ran it under water, then returned to all the mommy duties. Soon I realized it was still bleeding.
And as I sat there at dinner, paper towels wrapped around the thumb and an inability to clearly explain to Ironflower and Lovebug what I'd done, I had an alcohol flashback.
The most fun wedding I ever went to (er, um, I'm sorry if I went to your wedding and that this wasn't it. I'm sure I had a fabulous time at your wedding too. I swear.) was my friend Mimi's. I was a bridesmaid in a cute dress who knew most of the guests, there was an open bar and lots of flirtatious men. What wasn't fun about it?
Well, there was the broken glass. Dropped near me, I quickly hopped up to get a waiter or paper towels or something. But, um, I had already taken off my strappy high heels. So apparently I stepped on some glass. It didn't hurt much, which I took to be a good sign and not a sign that I'd had more champagne than necessary. So I wrapped some paper towels around my foot and kept dancing.
When the paper towels bled through, I just asked someone to get me new ones. I was having so much fun.
It wasn't until early Sunday morning, as I practically crawled downstairs to my bathroom, that I became concerned about my foot. It throbbed, but so did my head, so I didn't worry until I saw the trail of blood. It went from the front door up the stairs to my room and was actually coming back down the stairs.
Yeah, my foot was still bleeding.
You know when a good time to go to the ER is? Early on a Sunday morning. Unless, of course, you can't adequately explain why your drunk ass didn't come into the ER the night before. The doctor actually called extra nurses in to hear my explanation of how I'd embedded the glass into my foot by continuing to dance.
Despite laughing at me, though, they gave me something that erased my hangover while they cleaned and put seven stitches in my foot.
When I looked at my children at dinner and tried to explain how I cut my thumb, I felt exactly like I did in the ER. It was like the drunken instinct to hop right up - of course I'd keep chopping, even though I'd moved my thumb! And of course I'd just wrap some paper towels around it and keep going. Because just like I couldn't pass up fun back in the day, I couldn't pass up mommy duty last night.
I could totally pass up having stitches on the bottom of my foot again, though. That sucked. I hated the thought of crutches, so I spent weeks hobbling in flip flops and actually pulled a muscle in my foot as well.
Anyone else ever noticed parallels between having young kids and being drunk?
15 comments:
Why yes...like how you can't hold a thought (while drunk or with kids). And then you say slurringly 20 minutes later with an "oh yeah! now i remember!"
What do you mean , feel like ,I am drunk alot.lol
Jen - Yes, absolutely - I think I do that more now than I did when I was drinking (of course, I don't really remember).
Um, yeah. I am almost always talking in a stupid, loud, high pitched voice when I'm either AROUND kids or wasted. Heh. It's pretty hot.
Soccermom - Well, there's that aspect too. :)
Aunt Becky - I never realized that either - my "kid talking to" voice sounds suspiciously like "my sure I'm sober after 8 beers" voice.
Jen - I can't believe I forgot about the bathroom trips.
I don't even remember the first 5 years of my kids' lives. It's a good thing we have video...so YES, I see the correlation between having kids and being drunk!
Michelle - Yet another good point. Although now I'm wondering how much the wedding video guy recorded of me and my bloody foot and whether it's going to wind up on FB someday.
Love this!
I cannot begin to list the number of times I have gotten hurt in the line of Mom-Duty and just shrugged it off because I was busy being Mom.
And although I have never danced and bled through paper towels wrapped around my foot?
I have done some spectacularly stupid and ouchy things while drunk that I have laughed off.
No big deal!
Doesn't hurt at all!
A Cars bandaid and I will be all set.
Snort!
You just keep going, dancing with glass in your foot. Because I love that sentence.
Thank you
how true!! Now that you make me think about it, I argue *very* valid points while drunk, and with my children. Then look back and go, really? And the dancing w/ glass in your foot? Brillant :) What I wouldn't give to have been in that ER!
Found you through Pretty All True and think you are hilarious! Weird that I just had a blood gushing incident today as well. Although for once, it wasn't MY blood. The cashier at the grocery store cut himself on my yogurt (that foil is really sharp) and although his finger was bleeding, he tried to keep scanning and bagging. After seeing that the blood was trickling toward my asparagus, I had to say something, "Dude, that looks painful...uh, think you can direct the flow of blood away from the produce?" He loved me. Anyway, glad I found you! I'll be following!
Lori (Lola)
Sounds like something that I would do myself. And yes, having kids is a lot like being drunk, only not as fun ;)
I woke up once in college with a sprained ankle. No idea how it happened.
Ten years later, woke up one day and was a MOTHER.
Striking similarities.
Absolutely true! Other similarities I've found between drunkenness & motherhood include yelling inappropriate things in public, peeing in non-toileted areas, and complete dishevelment in both hair and clothing.
What do you mean , feel like ,I am drunk alot.lol
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