Dear Google

Dear Google,

I have always been a fan. Once I discovered your search engine, I never went back. The same thing happened with Gmail. I don't even understand how people can stand using any other kind of email program. And Chrome? Chrome makes me happy.

In other words, Google, I am a loyal user. I even still have a presence on Blogger - and it's not just because I figure that someday you'll take over the whole entire internet and I'll need a foothold on your platform. Though you should give me a pass, since this site at least uses Adsense.

So, I've tried to be understanding about this pagerank thing. When I first went from a 4 to a 0, I assumed my server was doing maintenance or something the last time the bot came by. I assumed it was some techie thing that would be quickly rectified.

It's been over a month, motherfuckers.

I've never bought links or set up mirror sites or done any of the other stuff that your site says will get me banned. Dudes, the fact that I've figured out how to change my theme is a minor miracle. There's NO WAY I could have figured out how to do anything that counts as Google evil.

I've searched your forums and blogs and I still haven't found a satisfactory explanation for why you stole my mojo. For why all my links on cool bloggers' blog rolls don't seem to count in your or Technorati's assessments. For why my page views have dropped to basement levels. For why the wordpress.com blog I stopped writing last summer and deleted last month is #1 when you search for "jerseygirl89".

I'm not going to beg, Google. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not some douchebag who created this site just to make money by trading links and regurgitating search terms. I would, however, like to make SOME damn money, you know?

It's not just that several hundred people haven't gotten to read about my advice for Mel Gibson, Google. That, I could grudgingly live with. But this big ol' fat 0 PR is affecting my money making opportunities. And the money I make on this blog goes straight to my kids. So, really Google, you're the ones being evil. You are hurting innocent children. . .

All right, I can't keep it up any longer. I want to know why I lost my page rank and I'd like one of you to tell me. Barring that, I would at least like your sympathy, Because this SUCKS. Has this ever happened to you? How did you fix it?