I do not have the heart of a champion. When I watch the Olympics and the announcers talk about various athletes being disappointed about getting the bronze or coming in 10th or whatever, I want to call those athletes and say, "Oh my gosh, you're the 12th best skier in the world today - congratulations! You're better than billions and billions of people!"
I'm a "good enough" sort of person. Partially because I'd rather be curled up on the couch with a book than, you know, actually working and partially because I think perfectionism can drive you insane. I tried to be perfect once - to excel at grad school and to keep a perfect house and to be a perfect wife and to look perfect - and it triggered my first flare of ulcerative colitis. And my subsequent divorce.
My "good enough" lifestyle has some benefits in parenting. My kids are really good at entertaining themselves, for example, because I'm don't feel the need to be supermom and entertain them 24/7. They're also good at doing things for themselves because I don't feel like I have to do everything for them.
The problem is that I feel terribly guilty about this.
When I was teaching - another job you can pretty much do all the time and never reach perfection with - I didn't feel bad when I happy-stamped instead of corrected homework or helped the kids earn extra recess so I could have a few more minutes to finish lesson plans.
But with motherhood, it's different.
My not-quite 4 year old does not know how to write his name. I've tried to teach him, but he LOATHES it with a deep passion that I thought he only reserved for shots. The "good enough" person in me says that it's no big deal and that he'll learn eventually and to just let it go. The mother in me feels like a failure.
And when they're all perfectly happy and I'm doing something like writing or cleaning or updating my Facebook status, I feel kind of bad about that too. Like I should be doing something creative with them, or at least talking to them. But in "good enough" world there's no earthly reason to disturb happy children.
Is there a drug out there to ease the guilt? Or to make me perfect without going crazy?
4 comments:
I'm pretty sure most moms feel this way. I am most certainly a "good enough" mom, and of course I feel guilty about it. And you're perfect just the way you are.
Free advice because you don't need it....."good enough" is healthy! Hating to learn something new like writing is not. Which just means, go with your instinct on the 'good enough', let him learn to write when he is interested. The kids in many European countries don't start reading and writing til 7 year old when the kids are just hungry for it. But I hear you, your school system and society does lead us to a "teach them" early model which is hard to avoid. You are doing great.
Free advice because you don't need it....."good enough" is healthy! Hating to learn something new like writing is not. Which just means, go with your instinct on the 'good enough', let him learn to write when he is interested. The kids in many European countries don't start reading and writing til 7 year old when the kids are just hungry for it. But I hear you, your school system and society does lead us to a "teach them" early model which is hard to avoid. You are doing great.
I'm pretty sure most moms feel this way. I am most certainly a "good enough" mom, and of course I feel guilty about it. And you're perfect just the way you are.
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