I was watching the Wanda Sykes show last night (It was one channel up from the Olympics and I got really sick of staring at Apolo Ohno's stupid soul patch while waiting for him to skate) and they got into a discussion about how some 12 year old New York City schoolgirl got arrested for writing on her desk.
Now, I missed this story, probably because the only local news I (grudgingly) watch is News12New Jersey. I could Google it now and get all the facts, but they're not germane to my post and, um, once I start Googling things hours fly by and I realize that I've forgotten to feed my children. So if you really care, you can Google it yourself. Preferably after you've read my post.
Anyway, Wanda was getting all, "They've taken 'zero tolerance' too far!" and her guests were all "Oh my, who could handcuff a 12 year old girl?"
I could.
I've seen a second grader handcuffed and you know what my main emotion was? Relief.
Granted, the second grader had been throwing chairs at other students and had had to be restrained by 2 adults and hadn't been writing on his desk, but still. You know what started the assault (yes, I"m calling it assault when a student throws chairs at other students and bites a teacher and bruises several teachers) with the second grader? I wanted him to do his math. His math that he was fully intellectually capable of doing.
His mother's response, when confronted with her son's behavior issues, was to tell us not to upset him. Other responses I've heard from parents (and yes these are all true, I wrote them all down at one time or another) about things like biting, stealing, cheating and vandalizing include:
"He ain't my problem when he's at school,"
"Why you always be picking on my boy?"
"I'll make sure to smack him when he gets home,"
"Well, my daughter says you punch the other kids."
"Yeah, she's bad."
Most of the students of those parents were not ever arrested at school, at least not while I was teaching them. My school, though I think it had "zero tolerance" on the books, had a more of a let's-wait-until-you-assault-the-principal- tolerance policy.
So most of those kids? Only got worse. Maybe a few teachers got together and came up with a strategy to help this kid or that kid, but they were all only band-aids. Most of the parents were too stressed, overwhelmed or angry to get involved. They just stopped answering calls from the school.
But when a kid is arrested, that's different. They have to get involved then. There are social workers and evaluations and all sorts of things. Sometimes this inspires the parent to move to a new school district (that's what happened with my second grader) but sometimes it actually helps.
I'd rather have a 12 year old arrested for writing on her desk than an 18 year old arrested for vandalizing a store. I'd rather have a second grader in handcuffs than a 14 year old beating someone to death. (Actually what I'd rather have is a world with no unwanted children, where parents have to be licensed and every child knows unconditional love, but I accept reality).
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2 comments:
I have a whole list of shows I watch every week. I have so many that I have to dvr some of them. However I just bought one of those BOSU balls and I do that while I am watching tv. You can also exercise with one of those yoga balls also.
Teachers have something I don't. It is so hard to have patience when you want more for a child, even not your own child, but you know a new family, a new situation, an opportunity for growth is not likely in their cards. I couldn't do it. I understand why people give up. But nonetheless, thank you for the time in which you did try.
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