In my years away from Jersey, I missed some things. Great pizza. People who speak quickly. Bagels. Fellow Yankees fans. Delis. The shore. Diners. But I never missed the cramped movie theaters and I cringed at the thought of driving out here again.
They've fixed the movie theater situation, but I'm afraid the driving has only gotten worse.
It used to be that as long as I avoided the highways filled with aggressive speeders and tailgaters, I felt okay. One of the great things about Jersey is that there's a back way to get pretty much anywhere, so this was not the problem it could have been. But since moving back, my knowledge of the back roads has not been enough.
The psychos are everywhere now.
Sometimes they're like the bitch who followed me yesterday, two inches from my bumper, gesturing. I was going the speed limit AND there was a lane she could have used to pass me, but she preferred to stay behind me and risk rear-ending me.
Then there was the person today, going ten miles under the speed limit, braking at each (unlit and unsigned) intersection and flipping me off when I darted around her.
And you can't forget the people driving their hulking SUVs (and I say this as a minivan driver) while talking on their hand-held cell phones (illegal here), who can't park - or turn - for shit.
Of course there are also the douchebags who think that I too will be charmed by the fact that their car stereos can play R.Kelly very, very loudly. I mean really, why would anyone want to play R. Kelly at all?
Occasionally there seems to be cross-breeding, such as when a tail-gater needs to play his car stereo at full volume, or when a slowpoke is also talking on his cell-phone.
Finally there are the people who really scare me. The ones that think our little provincial highway is, in fact, a NASCAR track. They weave in and out of traffic at 100 miles per hour, as though they were playing a videogame. And I swear it's not only bitterness because I happen to suck at any videogame that requires driving - though I think it's really odd that even though I've never caused an accident in real life and hardly even get honked at I can't drive an imaginary car worth a damn - it's because it's fucking dangerous.
So here's a little message, lousy drivers of the world: Get OFF my ASS.
You didn't think this would be about exercise, did you?
5 comments:
How about the fact that everyone turns left in front of you when you have the right-of-way at an intersection?
I would like to add to this list the complete and utter jackass driving a car built for speed (let's say it's a BMW) who still tries to merge onto a busy highway at 20 MPH below the speed traffic is going. It's the vertical pedal on your right!
Maybe you should move to Austin! :) I read they have the nicest drivers in the country - no one ever honks. (I'm writing this from Wisconsin).
I know the feeling, hon. Don't try to move to Lancaster, PA, because it seems to be getting worse month by month. By the time you find a house and settle in, it could be just like NJ all over again. :-/
I would like to add to this list the complete and utter jackass driving a car built for speed (let's say it's a BMW) who still tries to merge onto a busy highway at 20 MPH below the speed traffic is going. It's the vertical pedal on your right!
Post a Comment