I cannot cut Ironflower's peanut butter and jelly sandwich properly. No matter what knife I use, no matter where I place the sandwich, no matter how thinly I spread the jelly, the jelly always leaks out by the time I'm done cutting it into totally unequal triangles. Often said triangles also have mangled edges.
When I ask my children what they want for dinner, they usually say McDonald's.
I have yelled the words "Shut up!" more than once. Once a day, I mean.
I am convinced that there is a bedtime routine that will cause my children to go bed peacefully and remain like that all night. I have tweaked the routine so many times I can't even remember what it was at this time last year.
I can't sew. Or cook more than a few things like hot dogs. Or iron. Or remember to actually bring my coupons to the store. And I loathe cleaning.
I don't know how to dress myself. The demands of this whole mom thing would seem to make yoga pants and t-shirts a sensible uniform, but I get depressed when that's all I ever wear. But I also get depressed when all of my cute clothes get stains on them.
I don't really like playing.
It takes me forever to strap and unstrap kids from the minivan. And sometimes they have to remind me to strap them in at all.
I am CLEARLY not keeping up with the rest of the class around here.
Was there a class I missed? Was modern parenthood the real topic of that abnormal psychology class I never went to? Do I simply need some remedial tutoring? WHY did I spend all those hours lugging around a weighted Cabbage Patch doll senior year of high school, if not to help my future parenting skills? Or course, I spent a lot more hours in Trigonometry . . . .which I have never, ever, ever used once since.
Or is the problem deeper? Do I have a processing disorder? A delay in mothering skills? And if so, where the heck is my Individual Education Plan? (Should that be Parenting Education Plan?) Why don't I have an aide? How come I never get pulled out of class to work in a quieter room with fewer distractions?
11 comments:
In reading this, I nodded to about 75% of the things. I think I need a short bus pass too....
But as long as our children are loved, get fed, are clean (most of the time) and live in a house that is not completely covered with clean/dirty laundry and clean/dirty dishes, I think we are successful.
I was just thinking this very day how much I DON'T enjoy playing (playmobil, lego, pretend, army men, etc...)and wondered if there was something wrong with me...shouldn't I like to play with my kids? But after reading this post, it's nice to know I'm not alone.
this is fabulous ... and I so needed to see it this morning - thanks, and yes, I will be joining you in the quiet classroom when they "find me out"!
Ahhhhh! Thanks!!! I too don't really care to play. I like to play games though but the little buggers never pick the games I want to play and then they throw a hissy fit when they don't win. I want to be able to throw a hissy fit when I don't win too. I guess my redeeming quality here is I can cook and I like to bake. The rest, yeah I hear ya!
I think I love you. But not in a dirty way. (Geez. Get your head out of the gutter.) I mean it in a let's-put-on-our-yoga-pants-and-go-out-to-eat-because-neither-of-us-knows-how-to-cook way. Sounds good to me!
the rest of the class isn't keeping up either! I love the way you show mommy hood for what it really is! I agree w/ catootes...we're all in over our heads! and the teen years just reconfirm that!!!
Dude. Yes. Sign me up.
If you need to feel better about yourself, just hang out with me. I'm failing miserably! I'll make you look good. :)
DUDE. I can't cut sandwiches properly either. I feel like such a tard, like I'm the only mom who can't use a damn knife to cut bread. Thanks for the lift.
Loooooveeed the post!
I have five children precisely so I never, ever have to play again. They can play with each other.
The steps back suck, but as long as there are a few forward every once in a while, you're doing okay.
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