Cocky is one of those words I hate. I'm sure it originated from those early morning birds, but is that what YOU think of when you hear it? Me neither. So it bugs me because it always seems kind of wrong to use it to describe women. And there's no comparable female word. Why doesn't anybody say "vulvtastic"? Or "breasty"?
Though I suppose there's always arrogant. Prideful. Conceited.
Anyway, this morning I felt a bit arrogant/prideful/conceited/vulvtastic/breasty/cocky. I had managed to get up and dressed before the kids got up. I had managed to dress and feed all three of them forty-five minutes sooner than usual so that we could take Hot Guy to work. Which we did. Then I got a good deal on gas, hit the bank and took Lovebug to preschool, where his teacher was very impressed to hear that Lovebug dressed himself this morning (It's true. If I lay the clothes out and leave the room, he does it.) Then I took Ironflower to dance class, where I managed to breastfeed ChunkyMonkey while watching the class. Next we hit Walgreens and Stop and Shop.
Stop and Shop was my downfall.
After grabbing a few necessary things we headed to the bakery department (sure, I realize that it's probably a bad idea to bribe my daughter with baked goods, especially in return for dance class behavior. But it's the only way the whole day won't be ruined.) The free sample today was rather large pieces of chocolate cake with buttercream frosting.
Mentally patting myself on the back for all that I accomplished by 11 am - without tantrums or other disasters - I decided to have a bit of cake. I let Ironflower have some, then I took a bite. I wiped her face and mine and proceeded with the trip.
I though the check-out girl looked at me oddly, but I didn't worry about it. I found it strange when the guy standing outside smirked at me, but shook it off. And when the woman parked next to us seemed to run away I assumed that she was in a hurry.
It wasn't until I got in the car and used the rearview mirror that I noticed the frosting on the tip of my nose.
A lot of frosting.
In fact, I think there was more frosting on my nose than there had been on Ironflower's face, and Ironflower had needed a big wipe down. Though apparently there wasn't enough to make Ironflower mention the frosting on ME. Or maybe my nose always looks big, white and fluffy to her.
Anyway, now it's not just my thighs suffering from my love of all things dessert. It's my pride, too.
4 comments:
I think vulvacious would make a great word. I say we start lobbying now.
Vulvtastic sounds like a compliment, something you'd say about food...."These fish tacos are vulvTAStic!"
thanks for sharing the laugh with us!!
Yeah, cocky doesn't work for me, either. And the frosting nose? Priceless.
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