Passive-Aggressive Revenge

Dear Mom of That Toddler,

I've always felt kind of sorry for you, as you tried to leave the preschool as your son screamed from the room across the hall. Sometimes I would even see your older daughter tearing up outside of her classroom and I would think, Man, that must suck. I had sympathy. But yesterday your son ran over my daughter while they were playing outside. We were both watching, which is probably what made Ironflower burst into tears. I know your little boy didn't mean to hurt her. But. . .you should have made him apologize anyway. It's polite behavior. I don't care if he wouldn't have meant it, or even understood it. If he's old enough to go to school he's old enough to understand that he should be polite.

So, I will no longer give you sympathetic looks while your children freak out in the morning. Instead I will be thinking superior thoughts because my children generally only freak out at home.

Yours,
Ironflower's Mom

Dear Kelly Bensimon or whatever the hell your name is (from the Real Housewives of NYC),

As I watched your little brouhaha with Bethenny this week, I couldn't help but wonder if you were simply stupid or the biggest narcissist this side of . . .um. . .Madonna. If you wanted to prove how mature you were (and how immature Bethenny supposedly is), running around whining to everyone about Bethenny's comment was not the way to go. Also, you wouldn't have stated - in front of everyone at the meeting - that you wouldn't put your name on the invitation. You would have said it privately. If you had class.

From
Someone who has no doubt you popped that guy

Dear Mr. D-----, (co-owner of Ironflower's dance school)

Look, I don't really have a problem with how you exploit the parenting paranoia around here for financial gain. We're adults, after all. Most of us are well-educated. So it's our own fault if we allow ourselves to be suckered in to overpaying for things so that our daughters fit in at your school. But. To stride into the classroom on parent observation day and to tell me - in front of my daughter, her classmates and the other parents - that I'm the only one who hasn't bought tickets for the recital yet? That's not okay. Some might even say it's shitty.

I say it means that my daughter will be attending a different dance school next year.

Happily,
A soon-to-be former customer