When I was nineteen, a dear friend from high school died in a car accident. What I remember most about that time is the disbelief. The wake, the funeral, the gathering at his parents' house - they all felt surreal. The pain came eventually - the grief for what he would miss, what I would miss and what his family would miss.
And now another friend from high school is dying. We weren't close, more friendly than friends. But I remember the last time I saw her and the way her face lit up when she talked about her little boy. Now she has a little girl too. And no treatments are working on her brain tumor. And the grief is immediate: every time I think about her family I want to cry.
My own life won't be affected by her death, not really. We spoke no more than every five years and didn't even really communicate on Facebook. But when I think of her kids, of how she will not get to see them grow up and of how they will be without her. . . it breaks my heart. Part of it is selfish, I know. I can't think about them without thinking of my own kids. Without thinking about how I would feel.
And I know she's handled things with grace and strength, working on bringing awareness to the problem and cherishing her time with family and friends. I'm in awe of her, actually.
And of course I'm also angry. It's not fair. I was angry when my other friend died too - but it was with him. This is being angry at the universe, about the unfairness of it all. And I resolve again to cherish what I have, to be grateful for the time I have with my family. It's the only way I can stop being angry.
4 comments:
It's always a tragedy when someone young dies, and it's always unfair.
My 25 year old nephew died just over a year ago from bone cancer, leaving behind a 1 year olddaughter and 7 year old son. He was a good man, father and son.
Sometimes it's very hard to accept what life hands out. Holding fast to your own and cherishing what you love is more than an adequate response.
It's what I've done. It's what everyone should do, remember and cherish what they do have.
It is so hard, so tragic. It's frightening to see just how fragile life is. It's hard not to see it as a reminder to hold the things you love just a little closer.
I felt exactly the same when a guy I worked with died recently.
it is so sad and so hard to understand. a friend of my husband just died yesterday, a very young man w/ young children. though I don't know him, it makes me so sad for the family....hug your babies, make the most of life w/ them!
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