Evidence of My GROSS* Incompetence

*Emphasis on the gross.

I should have known that things were going too well. We had a good morning. Increasingly rare these days, what with all the being cooped up in the house. I took Ironflower and Lovebug to a lovely birthday party. We got home well after nap/quiet time usually starts, so we resolved to just have them "rest" for half an hour or so.

Hot Guy went to the grocery store. I secured Chunkymonkey with my nanny (the cradle swing) and went up to free the children. Ironflower bounced out of her room as Lovebug threw open to the door to his.

"Mom, I went poop on the potty!" exclaimed my son.

We keep a potty in his room. It's the only one he uses, and that's only when no one is watching. And only pee.

Until today.

He had pooped ON the potty, but not quite in it. In fact, he'd pooped ALL OVER the potty, the carpet and a diaper. I tried not to freak out. . .but all I could see was SHIT EVERYWHERE. So I told the kids to go downstairs out of the contaminated zone. I began cleaning.

Hot Guy arrived a few minutes later. I yelled down and asked him to wash Lovebug's hands. Just to be on the safe side. Because surely I would have noticed if he had especially messy hands.

Then Hot Guy said, "Oh MY GOD, look at your hands boy! Ironflower, what else has he touched?"
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Shit, I thought. In every way possible. I began prowling the room, checking for other things that I had missed. Because any idiot who forgot to check her son's hands has got to have missed other stuff, right?

Like the fact there were poops lined up in one of his Matchbox car bins.

Which at least explained why his hands were dirty, if nothing else.

We are now down a Matchbox car bin.