I aspire to be a kind, open-minded person. But at least once every day someone comes along and ruins it for me. Yesterday it was the Duggar Family. For those of you who don't watch TLC, the Duggars are a family that has gotten famous for having many, many children. Their eighteenth child is due in January. Yeah - Michelle Duggar has actually GIVEN BIRTH to EIGHTEEN children.
And she homeschools them all.
I don't know what form of Valium you can take when you're pregnant, but I like to think that Michelle has a prescription. I don't like to think about Michelle's uterus, because I'm pretty sure that it must be about to fall out. She's been pregnant SIXTEEN times (two sets of twins).
I also don't like to think about the Duggars in relation to the problems of over-population, sexism (only girls cook and they must wear long skirts) and their cult-like adoration of dad Jim Bob.
But perhaps what disturbs me the most about the insular Duggar family is what I saw on last night's special. Apparently the oldest got married last month. He's twenty. And he did not even get to kiss his bride before the wedding. Sounds kind of third world arranged marriage, doesn't it?
But no, shockingly, after not being allowed to date or "court" or interact with non-family females until he turned twenty, this young man fell in love with his first girlfriend. And, again shockingly, after following the family dictum of doing nothing but holding hands until the wedding, he wanted to get married as soon as possible.
The young couple even had to take a chaperone (usually a younger sibling) on all their dates. Presumably they are now allowed to be alone together. But I've still lost all respect for the Duggars.
If you can trust someone to make an appropriate decision on a marriage partner, shouldn't you also trust them to be alone with that person? And what century are we living in that kissing is on the same level as premarital sex?
There are a million reasons to hold off on sex (not, actually, that I want my own children to wait until marriage, but that's beside the point). . . .but kissing? Seriously? How are you supposed to learn anything? And how controlling are these parents? The way this twenty year old repeated his parents' beliefs and sayings just depressed me.
They talk about Jesus and Christianity a lot, the Duggars. But I think they missed the part about free will.
Any thoughts?
13 comments:
I totally agree with you I think if I had married my first boyfriend I would have been really miserable... I married my third boyfriend and HE is the love of my life. :)
I have to wonder- Who's in for the biggest shock? The new wife who finds out she's expected to live the same way- or the new husband, who finds out that his new wife is NOT his mother?
Unless she comes from a similar family, which would be kinda creepy.
I always liked the Duggars. The long skirt thing/clothing thing makes sense in that she only has to do so much laundry- they don't do it for religious reasons.
For every reason I want to hate them, I found one to enjoy the heck out of their family.
I haven't caught up on them lately (until your post) and it surprises me greatly that their son was under such restrictions. Restraint, I expected. Restrictions? Blech.
Yeah, I agree. It really does taint my view of them.
I know people like this personally. Ok, I don't personally know anyone who has 18 (17 1/2) children. There were a lot of people like that in Quebec - Celine Dion is #13 or 14, you know.
Anyway, believe it or not, sometimes, it is the kids who decide on their own, to wait for the kiss and the rest until marriage.
I have some great friends who are normal as normal can be. Strong Christians, on staff at a church, husband smokes cigars, normal. However, their oldest son chose, with his girlfriend/fiance, to wait until they were married to kiss. A few months before the wedding, that choice changed. Same thing with my husband's cousin. Her and the boyfriend/fiance decided to wait on the kiss but that fell by the wayside.
I know of several people who heard Benny Hinn and his wife's story. They didn't kiss until the 'I Do'. Many of these people find this story to be admirable and touching.
To be honest, I kind of thought Elizabeth Smart and her family were odd. But then I saw Elizabeth on Oprah. She is the most well-adjusted young woman. I want her parents to write a parenting book that I can follow letter for letter!! So, as much as I would LOVE to tear this family apart for all the things I think are wacky, sadly, I have to keep my mouth shut.
With 18 children, there are going to be some amazing kids and there are going to be some rebellious kids. If the oldest son is the one who was married, that would make sense. Oldest children have a greater sense of responsibility and rule following.
Just want to say, I would like for my children to wait to have sex until they are married. But kissing and some touching, not a problem! I had a guy I 'wasn't courting' who said he wanted to wait until he was married to kiss. I told him I thought it was a lot to do and experience on the wedding night. He said we had the whole honeymoon to get to it. But I think certain areas need some advance prep before going for the kill. Just my thoughts on that.
I've never seen this show apparently & although my uterus aches for the mom (ha), I don't necessarily think their way of thinking/dating is backwards.
I think too often teenagers are allowed too many freedoms when it comes to dating. And although it was his parents' choice first (probably) to not kiss before marriage, it could have been his choice too. I have friends who have done that, and they live normal, everyday lives. I think it's sweet, really.
And I don't mind kids having chaperons on dates at all! Again, sometimes parents are too cavalier in allowing their teens to go places that invite...well, way past kissing things.
But the cooking/long skirts thing...may be right for some, not for me. I didn't learn much about cooking before I got married. And I certainly didn't wear long skirts but I do wish my parents had a little more censorship on my wardrobe in high school.
So sorry about the post on the comment form.
Wow!
I've not heard of this family before. Of course, I have all kinds of initial responses....but I checked out their website to see what it was like.
I've met and read about some other families like them (none others w/ 18 kids though!) I am all for homeschooling, and for raising kids in a Christian atmosphere. Their home (hotel/restaurant/camp) is huge.
I do get depressed sometimes reading about these kind of "perfect people". I mean, what about your average homeschooled kid who smarts off and is lazy at times like so many other kids in any other kind of school setting? What if we don't get our hair brushed before 8 am? What if my house is a mess? What if I am completely going crazy w/ only 2 kids??
I have heard about "courting" in the homeschool circles. I do admire them for wanting to keep their purity before marriage. I can see how it would be easy to fall in love w/ the first person you are with...I wonder, is that the "purpose" of courting-actually choosing a mate before you begin dating? I am not sure if the parents actually do arrange that or not....and in the end, you are right. Every person has free will. For me, I guess that might be one of the very hardest parts of being a parent at all, and yet, it really is what I want....
I would have to say that there are some things that I admire about the Duggar family from this first meeting. Some of the things are not the way we would choose to do it, I guess that what keeps us all unique.
Sadly, I do not have high hopes for the happiness that these two kids will have in marriage. Yes, I'm sure they will stay married, but I'm also pretty sure that it won't make them happy.
I'm appalled by parents that don't allow their children, even at 20 years old, to live their own life. If you're a good parent you should trust that you raised a good child and let them make their own choices.
Paulina - I'm married to boyfriend number. . .um 7, I think. I'm not known for good decision making skills.
Wordvixen - That's an excellent question. I feel sorry for them.
Jess - Insular communities - whether families or church groups or whatever - always make me nervous.
Simone - I just think that hormones being what they are, if you don't have some experience with sexual chemistry versus friendship and love, you could get into a lot of trouble.
Mrs. S - I see your point, but I really believe some sexual exploration is normal and healthy.
Silken - Remember, I'm convinced she's on drugs. :) Don't be so hard on yourself! Seriously, you're are a far kinder person than I am.
Lottifish - Exactly!
You mean I cannot arrange Lovebug and Ironflower's weddings? I am in negotiations with some o their classmates parents already! BTW we need to work on Ironflower's dowry.... (posted from your page by your excellent, strong and handsome Hotguy)
Any thoughts? Yes. They frighten me. Anyone who clings to their bible as much as these people frighten me and I think they're dangerous. Of course, it could just be that I'm tired and cranky on a Friday, but I don't think so.
Not to sound harsh or anything. ;)
In my opinion, it is ridiculous. A man and a woman should be allowed to date without a chaperon and what woman is going to say yes to a proposal before she even dates the guy? I wouldn't. I don't think kissing before the marriage is wrong, but I do follow the policy of not kissing before a marriage. I've never been kissed and I don't plan on being kissed until my wedding day, but I don't think that other people are making the wrong decision by kissing before marriage.
I understand waiting until marriage to have sex, but no kissing until marriage? I think the Duggars are VERY misguided. If I insisted on being "old-fashioned", I would wait until accepting the marriage proposal for my first kiss!
I've kissed boys and men in my lifetime, and why should I be made to feel ashamed of it?
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