Do The Crips Do Makeovers?

My dad is on the mend - awake, cognitive and asking for his pain medication. Thanks again for good thoughts and prayers.

Today there was a Halloween shindig at the local environmental center. Since it was a gorgeous day, and the event was free, we decided to go. I really didn't think it would be all that crowded, since no one ever goes to the environmental center. And since most people around here don't exactly need to attend free activities.

Apparently our present economic situation is even affecting people around here, because the center was PACKED. And the county organizers were not prepared for this kind of turnout. So instead of lining up logically, people just smooshed together and complained about the fact that there weren't organized lines. Well, they complained until they managed to push their kid into the bouncy castle ahead of all the kids who had been waiting patiently. I knew there was craziness in the air when a woman tried to push her fourteen month old into the bouncer. Luckily someone stopped her before the clueless baby was trampled by hyper preschoolers.

Then we tried to find a hot dog. The line was SO long - maybe we really are in a depression. The hayride line was almost as bad. It was like being at Disney World during a school vacation. And when people bumped into me - I guess they have forgotten how to look down - they glared at ME. Sorry my unborn child got in your way, assholes.

Of course, my current walking style may have put them off. You see, I am no longer waddling. Waddling would imply that I could move my hips separately. Which I can't anymore. I have to swagger these days, so descended is my child. I look like a gangbanger wannabe trapped in a pregnant woman's body. Hell, even my pants are falling down. And the only thing the hides the belly is a hoodie. And my hair is completely out of control - maybe I should just get a do-rag to complete the picture?

And if anyone stares at me too long, I could just tell them to suck my dick.

(Thanks, Roseanne)

Damn, now I'm sorry we didn't stay and wait in all the long lines. Instead, we went to a local nursery and paid for hayrides. Which was probably the better choice, seeing as the whole thing was supposed to be for the children's enjoyment - and not a way for me to take out my hostility on the world at large.

(Speaking of which, Amy Poehler had her baby yesterday. I am so bitter - I thought she was due after me!)