Last night I had a horrifying experience in the shower. Even though I look like a grapefruit with legs, three pregnancies have taught me lots of neat tricks. I can shave my legs without injury right up until giving birth. I can give myself (an admittedly crappy) pedicure. I pride myself all being able to maintain all of my grooming practices throughout a pregnancy (for those of you who see me in real life and who are questioning this because my hair usually looks crappy, let me tell you, my hair always looks crappy). So while I may completely let my weight go while baby growing, I want to assure you that I don't let everything go during this time.
In the interests of not letting things go, last night I even used my fancy shower gel. As I was scrubbing myself, I reached down to clean my belly button. I've always been an extreme innie, so even while enormously pregnant my belly button doesn't pop out - it just gets shallower. Anyway, I reached to clean it. . . . .AND IT WASN'T FUCKING THERE.
I dropped the washcloth and immediately began sliding my fingers over the belly. I must have gone back and forth over where it had been just the other day three or four times. But the skin was smooth. I tried to look but of course I couldn't see anything. Finally, right before I was about to climb out and yell for Hot Guy to come upstairs and find my freaking belly button, I thought that maybe I should check for my belly button a little bit lower.
And there it was. My belly button had MOVED. DOWN.
My belly button is SAGGING. How that is even possible, I don't know.
I've accepted the carpal tunnel, the heartburn, the back pain, the grapefruit body, the teenage-like skin (although my skin was actually better than this when I was a teenager), the imperfect breasts, the stretch marks and the fact that my hair no longer grows evenly. I try not to whine too much (I said try, okay?) or ask for a lot of help. I'm trying to be a good sport.
But my belly button sagging? Seriously? I don't think I can take much more of this.
8 comments:
It's all going to be over soon. Just keep telling yourself that.
I laugh along with you as I cry. The glamor of motherhood never ends.
LOL! Oh, Mama. I was fully expecting a story about belly button lint. I swear I clean mine out with a q-tip when I'm pregnant.
I'm impressed about the painting toenails thing. Don't tell my husband that you can do that, okay? It's my excuse for getting pedicures- "I can't reach!".
Is it wrong I'm still laughing at the image of your great belly button search?
That was funny! I thought you were going to say it had popped all the way out!
Saggy belly buttons? Those are totally in style right now! Totally!
Saggy belly buttons? Those are totally in style right now! Totally!
Is it wrong I'm still laughing at the image of your great belly button search?
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