My little Lovebug
my precious Ironflower
so easily hurt
I'm not an overly sentimental parent, really. I remain calm in the face of falls, cuts, scrapes and bruises. Hysterical tears are more likely to get on my nerves than arouse my sympathy. I have given away more baby clothes than I have saved. I always seem to forget the video camera.
But when we were at the library this week watching a children's entertainer and Lovebug couldn't get a partner for the dancing part (possibly because he kept going up to kids and grabbing them) I almost burst into tears. And every time Ironflower asks a new kid to play with her at the park - and that kid says no or taunts her, even - I have to restrain myself from calling that kid names.
My kids want to play with everybody. They're not above grabbing toys or trying to get to the front of the slide line, but they're prepared to like everyone they meet and they don't hurt other kids. And I love that about them, except when I watch them get hurt. Last fall, two little girls Ironflower wanted to befriend called her a baby and kept running away from her. She still talks about it, even as I've said over and over again that those girls were rude and not the kind of kids she would want for friends. Until the library incident this week, Lovebug hadn't seemed to care if someone didn't want to play with him. But he felt it at the library when he was the only kid who didn't have a partner.
I taught public school for ten years. I'm not unaware of how cruel children can be to one another. And I was prepared for it to happen someday - I had watched sweet as pie kindergarteners turn into Queen Bee fourth graders too many times to think that my kids would never feel hurt or rejected. But we're talking about 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 - and other kids the same age. This didn't happen when I taught preschool fifteen years ago. And if it did, parents stopped it. Now the parents are just as bad.
So, internets, do you have any advice? I can't control the behavior of bratty children (or their parents), so how can I help my kids forget about the jerks they meet and just focus on the nice kids? How can I explain to Ironflower, as she looks longing at the pair of five year old girls she wants to play with (who keep running away from her), that she should just play with the nice little boy next to her? And how can I stop myself from talking to these kids as if I was their (ticked off) teacher?
4 comments:
oh that breaks my heart, i am so not ready for this. there were some boys making fun of frass when she was about 20 months, saying she's wearing diaper. as if she should be embarrased by it ??? i was so mad, the bratty boys....i wanted to kick them in their butts. my hubby is very nervous for this to start b/c he knows i will have such a hard time with it. would love to hear the advice.
I think you just have to keep reinforcing that some kids might be too shy or too mean and they're not ready to be/worth being friends with at this point.
Find some like-minded parents and start a play group or go to events together. Is that possible?
My ds had similar problems when he was young - he saw the world a little differently, and I think other toddlers/preschoolers may have picked up on that. And like yours, he was loving and didn't hold grudges.
Now, at 15, he has a ton of friends - all of whom are nice. He still had a clique pick on him last year, and he really just said to me, "Yeah, Mom, it sucks but they're jerks, so who cares? I just walk away."
There will always be jerks in life. There will always be kind people, too, though. I hope that Lovebug and Ironflower can find some nice playmates soon.
Oh, sweetie. That's tough. I have no clue. If you get some great wisdom, please let me know.
feener - what's really bad is both Hot Guy and I are like this, so I guess we're going to spend the next 18 years upset!
Becky - that's what I'm trying, but I was hoping for something better. :)
Jen - That's comforting to know! They have a few nice playmates, so I'm thinking I should just bring them everywhere with me.
Merry - It's much harder to watch. And I'm sure that someday mine will do the snubbing but that will kill me too! And I can't believe that parents would let six year olds go to the park by themselves!
33Tekfan - I'm just waiting for that to happen - I actually feel sorry for those boys.
AFF - More sympathy than wisdom - maybe I should start a friendly kids only playgroup.
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