8/11/2008

Further Signs of The Coming Apocalypse

The original signs can be found here.

1. Billy Mays. Hot Guy hates Mays so much that he wants to fight him. And you know what? I would totally let him. I now refuse to buy any product that uses him in its commercials - I don't care how well it gets stains out.

2. Super short shorts.  First it was girls wearing their jeans so tight and low that they all had muffin tops - even the skinny ones. Now girls are wearing their shorts so tight that they have orange peel butts. Why? Don't they let girls have mirrors anymore?

3. Yo Gabba Gabba. If you've missed this Noggin weirdo-fest, I envy you. There are phallic-shaped beings bouncing around, uncoordinated children dancing and a creepy queen hosting. It disturbs me that someone thought this show was a good idea.

4. Matthew McConaughey on CNN. Being interviewed about what it was like when his girlfriend gave birth. We're at war. The economy is falling apart. There's a presidential election. Hell, there's even the Olympics. But this is news? Why wasn't it on E! where it belongs?

5. Bill O'Reilly 's new book. He has written an advice book for children. It's supposed to teach them how to behave and even how to deal with bullies.

6. The Bush Administration. They  would like to draft legislation that equates the pill and the IUD with abortion.

7. The mere existence of "The Hills". And the consequent celebrity of the talentless people who star in it.

8. Teacher pay. Not just that teachers in most areas are way underpaid (at least in comparison to what teachers make around here), but that the starting salary for a teacher at The Dalton School, an exclusive prep school in Manhattan, is about the SAME as the starting salary for a teacher in the urban district of Kansas City, Kansas. With the thousands those parents in tuition fees, shouldn't the teachers at Dalton make more money?

9. Narrow band maternity clothes. Most maternity designers have gotten rid of the huge belly panels, which were admittedly ugly and could be uncomfortable at the beginning. But you know what's more uncomfortable? Your pants falling down every time you stand up - no one needs to see the belly of a chubby woman pregnant for the third time.

10. The Jonas Brothers. We're from the same county, but I'd rather claim Whitney Houston (who's actually from the next county south, I think) than them. They're so bland and blah, yet they inspire Beatles level hysteria. Ick.

6 comments:

Reiza said...

Oh, I'm with ya. Although, I find Yo Gabba Gabba oddly fascinating. TheBoy insists on watching, "Party in my Tummy" on YouTube. I've never actually seen an episode. I've just watched the YouTube clips. I can take small doses. I don't think I could handle a full episode.

#6 pisses me off. It makes absolutely no sense at all. I've been reading quite a bit about it lately and it makes me furious.

#7 THANK YOU. I've only seen bits and pieces of the show (they insisted on putting it on at the gym on the weekend), but I find the whole thing, especially the damn "actors" from it to be horribly obnoxious.

#10. Once again THANK YOU. What in the world is the fascination with these boys? I'm so annoyed that they've been on the cover of Rolling Stone. That's reserved for real musicians, not the teeny bopper flavor of the month. Who are these kids? I've never heard a full song of theirs, but from what I've heard, I am very much not impressed. Oh and they are VERY unattractive. Sure, the Beatles had Ringo, but the others were talented AND cute. These boys are NOT the Beatles and I wish the media outlets would stop referring to them as such.

silken said...

#10, ugh...I can't stand them! I think the word my son uses for them is about the best description..."cakey"

Mrs. D said...

i love your posts! (just found you tonight thru caffeine courts bloglist, and I like!) yo gabba gabba is WEIRD, like an acid-lover's contribution to children's tv. moono is definitely phallic, he's a freaking ONE-EYED MONSTER! there's a costume designer laughing his/her butt off somewhere!

Jen in MI said...

I'm so with you on all of this.

Alice said...

Yo Gabba Gabba IS the sign of the coming apocalypse. Have you ever seen Elijah Wood doing that puppet master dance? Holy crap it's creepy.

wordvixen said...

I am so out of the loop- is IUD the morning after pill, or am I on another planet?

Hate to disagree, though, but I'd take the JoBro's. I'm not saying their super talented, but Whitney's got serious man issues. And is/was a druggie. Whether the JoBros are or not, at least their image is clean, which makes them better role models than she was/is.