(This post is intended for somewhat mature audiences and people who are not related to me. Mom and Dad, please delete this post NOW, thank you.)
Sometimes when I am falling asleep (or rather, NOT falling asleep) I envision future situations with my children and how I'll handle them. Apparently in the future I will remain calm and loving in the face of all kinds of transgressions. The only trouble "Idealized Me" is having with her teenagers is discussing masturbation with them.
I believe in masturbation the way some people believe in religious doctrines.
I believe that girls and women who can make themselves come (with their fingers, shower heads and battery-operated boyfriends) are happier in their sexual relationships and are more likely to be emotionally secure. I believe relationships where both partners masturbate (and are comfortable discussing it or even sharing it) are healthier. I believe you can't be truly comfortable with someone else's body until you are comfortable with your own.
Plus, masturbating always helps me fall asleep. (I can't believe I just threw that out there, internets. You all had better share some good stuff in the comments.)
But I can't imagine sharing how I learned any of this while I encourage a teenaged Ironflower to masturbate. At the same time, I don't want her to be like a woman I knew who finally learned how to masturbate (and still could only do it with a vibrator, as she was still afraid to touch herself "down there) at the age of 38.
Thirty-eight is way too long to wait for an orgasm, people.
I would prefer that Ironflower know how to give herself an orgasm long before she has to explain it to anyone else. Because it'll a lot easier to explain it (not to mention have it) if she knows all about it. I also think it will help not rush into physical stuff too fast - I can remember more than one time in high school that I stopped my horny little self from going too far by knowing that I could go home and take care of things perfectly (sadly, this same skill abandoned me a few times in adulthood) well by myself.
Notice I haven't mentioned Lovebug much. Boys seem to figure the whole thing out a lot better, don't they? I just don't want him to be ashamed. Or to whine to some girl about blue balls when all he has to do is wait until he gets home.
So, any suggestions for how to talk to my kids about masturbation? Any experiences and/or opinions you want to share? Do you think I'm over-emphasizing the importance of female masturbatory skills?
11 comments:
I'm with LunaNik; I'm not even ready to contemplate this yet! I guess I'm just hoping that MY Idealized Self will get a clue before the time comes!
I think this is a self-guided tour... in other words, she doesn't need you. Let her college girlfriends clue her in on it or leave a book like "Deenie" around for her to find.
ok you are cracking me up and very brave and honest and i LOVE it. ahhh ditto on the sleep part. i was VERY young when i discovered this amazing trick. i am talking 5 years old. i guess i was a natural. hoping it happens for my girls as well. i think i might be blushing. not something i discuss with ANYONE = not evne hubby.
They figure it out on their own. I think if someone stops them or tells them there is something wrong with it then they get uptight about it. Of course if they ask questions you'll be there to help them out!
Oh dear God. I am SUCH a loser. I am over hearing covering my mouth and saying OH MY GOD. Y'all have just amazed me with this. I love it. But, its making me blush.
Maybe this is because when I first started my period my mom was not as cool as Leslie's mom and she was explaining about tampons and I mentioned the OB tampons (I'm pretty sure that was the brand...where you stick your finger inside the tampon and then insert it?) and she told me not to use those because she wasn't comfortable putting her finger up there. And from that point on I felt DIRTY when I would touch myself. (I feel dirty right now saying "touch myself." I am a loser.)! So, what I'm saying is this: parents TOTALLY leave a mark on their kids about stuff like this. Looking back I'm sure my mom meant when she was bleeding she didn't want her finger up there, but its not like I knew that. Or like I really want to think about it anymore. OHMYGAH. This is the most I have talked about masturbation ever. I'm repressed or something.
while I think masterbation is nothing to be ashamed of...I also think it is a personal journey...maybe just let her know that if she has any questions about sex or self pleasuring ...just reassure her that you are open to any questions?? then leave it at that???
HaHA! I have 3 boys! That is ALL up to my dear hubby. heh heh heh
Lottifish - I will definitely remember to knock!
Colleen - You know I'm going to want to hear that broken vibrator story someday. I love your conclusion after seeing your dad's magazines.
I've spent far too much time worrying about how I'm going to pay for the orthodontist and college, and worrying about whether they will have good lives and meet good partners. I've got a whole new agenda to worry about and plan discussions for! :)
AND - I'm gonna start leaving the Playboys in more conspicuous places in our house.
They figure it out on their own. I think if someone stops them or tells them there is something wrong with it then they get uptight about it. Of course if they ask questions you'll be there to help them out!
while I think masterbation is nothing to be ashamed of...I also think it is a personal journey...maybe just let her know that if she has any questions about sex or self pleasuring ...just reassure her that you are open to any questions?? then leave it at that???
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