Sometimes, especially when I go out with cheese in my hair, or yell in frustration, or forget how to cook hot dogs, I feel like a total loser. Sometimes, when I face the fact that I cut my own hair and am forty pounds overweight I can get a little depressed. Sometimes, when I tell the "didn't-know-I-was-pregnant-with-Lovebug-for-four-months" story, I feel like an idiot.
I try to cheer myself up, of course. I read blogs chronicling other people's feelings of dorkiness. I write. I put on make-up. I cuddle with my children. And now I have a new weapon to help me battle my loser feelings.
In Hubby's family there is a person who works in the medical profession (and that's all I'm going to say about who the person is, as the person could get in trouble for sharing this info). Part of his/her job involves reading medical reports at a small town hospital. S/he reported these TRUE stories to me over the holidays:
1. A man came into the ER saying he had tried to commit suicide by . . . STICKING HIS DOG'S SQUEAKY TOY UP HIS ASS. And I always thought the stories about people getting objects stuck up their asses were urban myths. Or, maybe they are myths in urban areas but truths in rural areas, I don't know. But no matter how many times I go out looking like a frump, at least I am not this guy.
2. A nineteen year old woman came into the ER. She was eight months pregnant and had a bad cold. After coughing up a huge ball of what was obviously phlegm, she came to the ER because she thought that she had COUGHED UP HER BABY. At least I'm not that clueless.
Some of you are shaking your heads, sure that these stories must be exaggerated or even lies. But they're not. The person who told me these stories is a relative and was not trying to impress a crowd during the tellings. The person is also not a writer, so s/he was in NO WAY tempted to lie, stretch or alter the truth to make a better story. Not that I (or any of you) have ever done that.
So, anyone else got any great stories to make me feel better about myself?
10 comments:
Oh! here's another one!! I bought clothes on Boxing Day (big sale day in Canada. Kind of like Thanksgiving Friday where you are) and went out of the house with a sticker clearly stating the size of my top on my boob the other day!
I put on a new shirt in the dark, went to work, and didn't notice until I went to the bathroom around 9 (two hours after arriving) that it was a shirt that definitely warranted a cami. I mean, it was BAD. Did I have a cami? No. Did I have a sweater? No. So, I stapled the shirt. I'm that awesome.
I'm bookmarking this post - LOL! For when I think I'm the only "mommy dork" in the world...thanks for sharing!
Mine is close to Thalia's Child's - I had the six-inch long SIZE sticker on the back of my thigh for a good four hours once. And I walked around with a Goodwill price sticker on the back on my shoe for a bit. So everyone could be aware of my measurements and my thriftiness, I suppose...
I went to my driver's ed test without a bra. Wearing a white shirt. Nipping out? May be the reason I was given a license, considering I am a big time tire popper.
You folks aren't trying. I've worn a skirt inside-out to work, because I really was too hung over to tell the difference. That was a while ago.
Since parenthood--I've let me baby fall out of our co-sleeping wonderland onto the hard tile floor of a room at a pirate themed resort in Barbados.
I did not know I was preg w/#1 until 9 weeks along. When the nurse told me she thought I was three months along, I hollered, "I haven't even had SEX for the last three months!" She was unimpressed.
I'm a 34 god-knows-what, and I leave the house braless.
I go to the qwikie mart in my pjs.
My kids have eaten pb sandwiches for breakfast many times, and cereal for dinner more times than I can count. It's food. I just don't care, so long as they eat and don't crab at 1am that they're hungry.
I think all of the above are normal things, that could happen to anyone. Really.
I know someone who works for an insurance company that had a claim similar to story #1, except the object was a bottle of shampoo and he "fell" on it.
Oh yeah, another story... non-medical.
I have this friend who's body type reminds me of Tweedle-Dee n' Tweedle-Dum on Alice n' Wonderland. Round with skinny legs..... ha! Anyways, once before a class we stopped off at Circle K for a drink. Check out lady stares at my friend and asks, "so how's your diet going?". My friend just stared at her, she never met this lady in her life..... she had her confused with someone else. Sooo embarrassing, I felt awful for her. Then another time we went to a department store in the mall and she asked where the women's section was. The employee told us what corner and we set off for it, only to come upon the maternity section.... YOUCH!!!!!!!!
Oh, those are great ER stories! Made me feel a lot better about my dorkiness ;)
Too many things to list here...
AFF - That is classic. I love it. Though I'm not sure I want Ironflower to try it when the time comes.
Jenh - Will you be my new best friend?
Leslie - Must have been some fall. ;)Seriously, though, how does anyone look at a shampoo bottle or a squeaky toy and think, yeah, that looks good?
Anonymous - You need to delurk more often! Those are great stories. Though I may never get my ahem.. .head around the lightbulb thing. Why don't people just buy some nice safe sex toys?
Life - That's my main goal with this blog - making us all feel better about our dorkiness.
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