It All Makes Sense Now. . .

Hubby made dinner tonight. Not a surprise, as Hubby is the cook in the family. The surprise tonight was that dinner wasn't very good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. If I don't have to attempt to cook (thus protecting myself from injury and the children from salmonella), I'm happy. As dinner concluded, Hubby said, "Damn, I hate working so hard on something that doesn't turn out." I consoled him sweetly (no, I did, honest) while realizing. . .

THAT'S WHY I HATE COOKING.

When I cook, it almost never turns out. For me, cooking is like gambling. I spend all this time and money AND I NEVER WIN.

The only time I ever enjoyed gambling was when I played with someone else's money. My friend and I met these guys and because we were just so fascinating (or maybe they were just so drunk, who knows?) they gave us money to shoot craps. For someone whose previous gambling splurges included dollar slot machines and using gummy bears with my friends, the lure of the craps table. . .for free. . .was great. But I'd never have fun wasting my own money like that. Especially since I didn't win once (nor have I ever won on the slot machines OR playing poker with my friends). The people I know who enjoy gambling (even though they actually do it very rarely) win $1,000 on a boring Monday night. It turns out for them. . .like a good meal.

The only time I enjoyed cooking was when . . .okay, I've never enjoyed cooking. Even when I've made edible food, it's never the kind of food that makes you feel like you've won 1,000 or even 10 dollars.

You know what else I hate? Softball. Why? BECAUSE I NEVER HIT THE BALL (no, really, I have depth perception issues and I have never, ever, successfully hit a ball with a bat).

Maybe I didn't try hard enough during softball in gym class. Maybe I shouldn't have needed to go rest (and read) in the nurse's office every Thursday. Maybe I should spend more time with cookbooks and Rachel Ray. Maybe I should try gambling again. Maybe if I just gave all these things one more chance I would discover the joy that other family members get from them. . .

Nah, f*** that.