I realize that I might be slightly cranky. My lungs are trying to escape through my throat, I have my period and I've got 48 hours to make my house spotless (relatives coming). So I might be a bit more short-tempered than normal. That's why I'm not actually printing these notes and putting them under windshields, I'm just posting them here.
Dear Bitches Driving Lexus SUVs,
1.If the posted speed limit is 35mph and I am driving 38mph, GET OFF MY ASS. You will not make me go faster, all you will do is endanger the lives and well-being of our children should there be an accident. And please remember that while my car may be cheaper than yours, it is better made. When you rear-end me, your car will suffer more.
2. When you are making a left turn at an intersection, you are not allowed to turn whenever you feel like it. The oncoming cars have the right of way - especially if you're the second car in the left turn lane. Just because I can brake doesn't mean I should have to brake, mmmmmmkay?
3. Your Ugg boots/Burberry Wellingtons are ugly.
Have a great day,
Jerseygirl89
Dear Very Old Denizens of the Reformed Church,
1. The parking lot has an entrance and an exit. They don't change from week to week. And if, by chance, you do wind up trying to exit at the entrance, could you please stay to the side instead of blocking the entrance at 8:58 am on a nursery school day?
2. Would it kill you to wave back at my son?
Thank you,
Jerseygirl89
Dear Leader of the Free World,
1. Please stop saying "Support the troops." If you wanted us to support the troops, you would have made sure they ALL went over there with the proper equipment. And you would have made sure that veteran's hospitals were well-funded. And you would have made sure that the department of veteran's affairs had a computer system that allowed veteran's to get their benefits in a timely fashion. And you would have sent them over there with a plan that included an exit strategy and some idea of the potential problems that would erupt without a dictator.
2. Please make one speech that justifies your foreign policy without using the word "terror" or the phrase "9-11".
Patriotically,
Jerseygirl89
5 comments:
HAHAH. I'm so with you on the bitches. One of my SILs is so that woman. When she whines, at least my brother says, "Go cry your eyes out in your Lexus."
I have the mule Uggs. Sorry but I love them. I don't do cold feet. I would like a full boot pair, but don't think I'll ever break the bank to get them.
Old people who don't wave back? Deserve every ache & pain they get.
And, I agree with most of your one to the prez. But, am an elephant, so tend to defend him quite a lot.
very well said...can i borrow it? thanks!
I really enjoyed reading this. I actually read it over at Justin's site, and then came to check your's out.
rocketdogs are one of the best shoes ever!
by the way, let me introduce myself.
I am Canaan, a friend of Justins from KC/High School. I hope to meet you in person one day, seeing as he met and married a intelligent woman...
Canaan - Nice to meet you! Although I had no idea he reposted this post too!
You are so funny! At least your good at channeling your crankiness into something enjoyable. I need to master that.
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