Bribery Is Worse Than Murder

The Parentbloggers have come up with another exciting blog blast. Okay, maybe "exciting" is not the right word. More like, an adult version of "Do or Die" (if you missed out on this in college, it's simple, ask a friend whether she would rather "do Rush Limbaugh or die"? Then force her to decide. It's fun.)

Anyway, to promote the book Dangerous Admissions by Jane O'Connor (which I already read and it's a really enjoyable book), the Parentbloggers are asking, "What would do for your children?" In the book, parents lie to the police, blackmail and donate vast sums of money for their children.

After ruining my stomach through pregnancy, my hair through hormone hell, my boobs through breastfeeding, my savings account through Fisher-Price Little People, my hipness through Wiggles CDs, my social life through constant interruptions and my IQ through lack of sleep I though MAYBE I had already done a lot for my children.

But since my children are only toddlers, I'm pretty sure I'm not finished yet. The book's parents are mostly interested in getting their children into elite colleges. I think it would be great if my kids went to Harvard or Brown, but I'm not donating, blackmailing or even getting them a specialized college counselor to do it. I know successes from community colleges and failures from Harvard so I don't think I'll go all crazy about that.

But I WOULD kill someone who tried to harm them. That's right, I'm against bribery but murder is okay. I would steal if they were starving, but if one of them grabs a toy on our way out of Target we're definitely going back in. Actually, I think that happened at Eckerd already. The worst part was the looks of disgust on the cashiers faces when we returned - were they horrified by my one year old's grabby hands or by
the fact the we came back to return the 99 cent ball?

The lying idea flummoxes me. In all the mysteries I read, the person who lies to the police gets caught - even if s/he isn't the killer. Besides, if one of my children is dumb enough to vandalize or shoplift or whatever, I want them caught while they're still minors so that I can punish them. I think it's important that my children grasp the idea of "consequences" while they're still young, the whole Paris/Britney/Lindsay train wreck is not something I want for my children.

I guess my bottom line is that I'd do just about anything to keep them safe and healthy but after that my ethical code comes back into play. Which means they can get into college on their own merits and while I will bail them out of jail, I won't lie to keep them out of it.