Bee-Hater

When I was a kid I spent the summers barefoot. This led to two separate occasions where I stepped on a bee. The first time, my foot swelled and grew hot to the touch. The second time, my foot swelled to twice its normal size, grew very hot and my skin itched everywhere. That second time led to my grandmother taking me to the emergency room where they tried to give me a tetanus shot. My parents were away and my grandmother, always a worrier, was very frazzled about my foot. So when I told her and the doctor that I was allergic to tetanus shots (which was true), they didn't believe me. Although, when I look back now - why the hell were they trying to give me a tetanus shot? Anyway, I argued enough so that they called my pediatrician - who confirmed the tetanus allergy and suggested Benadryl.

Since that occasion, I have avoided bees like horizontal stripes. Which worked out very well, until we came home from vacation and found a bunch of dead bees in our bathroom. Soon we had live bees in there, despite the fact that we could find no holes or open windows. Hot Guy checked the crawl space and sprayed poison. I crossed my fingers.

The bee population seemed to be dwindling - at least in the house. After a few days of sitting on the patio reading during nap time (I consider it my lunch break), I began to notice a lot of bees. Bees heading under our steps. Bees coming out from under our step. Bees buzzing around my head. Apparently there is a type of bee, wasp or hornet that digs holes to live in. And their newest hole is under our steps.

WHY ME? Are they stalking me? Is this revenge for the ones I killed in my youth? How can we have two different beehives in the same house? We live in New Jersey, not the jungle. And of course I don't know if Ironflower and Lovebug are allergic to bees, so we don't go in the backyard anymore.

Hot Guy has tried to get rid of the backyard bees, but with no success. I haven't bugged him about it much because the last time we eliminated a bee home, another one showed up. Under the back steps is better than the bathroom . . .or the kitchen. . .or the living room. . .So I guess it's a good thing we have a boring backyard and hardly ever play there anyway.