I Am Never Doing That Again!

It would take way too much time to explain why I've been thinking about dating, seeing as I haven't done it in quite a while. Suffice to say, I've been thinking about it and I thought I'd write some advice down for my daughter (and the person who inspired my thoughts) before I forget what it took ten years to learn. It's mostly geared towards straight women, but I'm sure with a few pronoun adjustments it could help anyone.

First off, dating needs to be its own reward. Ideally dating is a process of learning about yourself and what you want out of life, not the answer to all of your problems. In fact, if you cannot be content by yourself then having a happy, healthy relationship will be a very difficult challenge for you.

Secondly, being in a relationship does not make you cooler, smarter, hipper, better or thinner than anyone else. Nor does it mean you will have more fun at weddings and parties.

Knowing those fundamental truths preps you for MY rules:


1. Don't play hard to get, be hard to get. That means have a life of your own that you won't drop just because HE called.

2. There's no lying in dating. Conniving, exaggerating, lying and manipulating might snag someone for a little while, but unless you are going to your high school reunion or the wedding of an arch-rival, why bother? It's not going last and you're going to feel insecure and sleazy the whole time anyway.

3. Not every guy is going to be "The One", or even the one you want to bring to the office Christmas party. It doesn't mean that he can't have a place in your life as a friend or whatever. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, you know?

4. Real life is the best way to meet people. I tried online dating and speed dating, once upon a time. I made some friends that way, so I would never put them down. But I think expanding your own social network, participating in hobbies and just being open-minded brings more romantic success than match.com does.

5. Trust your gut. If someone gives you the heebie jeebies, even if everything seems great, run. Figuratively or literally. Your well-being is more important than anyone else's feelings.

And that's it. It is that easy, especially after you realize that being alone is just as good as being a part of a couple.